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Writing Samples
Band 5

The diagram below shows a simple system that turn dirty water into clean water. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.

The diagram below shows a simple system that turn dirty water into clean water. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.
#system #water #summarise #information #features #comparisions
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The layout portrays the steps of converting impured
water
Use synonyms
 into pure prepared for drinking.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is a three-stage man-made process using machines to purify dirty
water
Use synonyms
 into clean
water
Use synonyms
.
at
Change the preposition
in
show examples
 the beginning, unclear
water
Use synonyms
 is poured by hand into a large cylindrical plastic barrel covered with a plastic lid. Inside
this
Linking Words
 container, the
water
Use synonyms
 will pass through three drums. The first one is the largest storage drum that will store
water
Use synonyms
 above.
Water
Use synonyms
 will pass from it to enter the sand layer in the second drum.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
water
Use synonyms
 will continue to move
reaching
Change the verb form
to reach
show examples
 the third drum that contains two layers of a small amount of charcoal
as well as
Linking Words
 adequate gravel.
Water
Use synonyms
 is now ready to be transferred to another huge saving barrel through a connection that links the two barrels together. The
water
Use synonyms
 will be stored in
this
Linking Words
 drum and it is completely clean to be consumed for drinking.
Submitted by Selfigih7 on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the first paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • filtration system
  • gravel layer
  • sand layer
  • charcoal layer
  • impurities
  • boiling process
  • bacteria
  • microorganisms
  • condensation stage
  • purified
  • contaminated water
  • potable water
  • transformation
  • capture
  • remove large impurities
  • remove small impurities
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