IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows the distribution of Australia water consumption for last year.

The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows the distribution of Australia water consumption for last year.
#bar #australian #water #consumption #cities #year #distribution #australia
The bar
chart
 illustrates
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
australian
Change the capitalization
Australian
show examples
 annual
water
consumption
 in several selected cities
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 average throughout
previous
Add an article
the previous
show examples
 year. Meanwhile, the pie graph describes
regarding
Change preposition
apply
show examples
australian
Change the capitalization
Australian
show examples
water
consumption
 for distribution in many fields.
Overall
, in the bar
chart
, it can be seen that Pert became
city
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a city
show examples
 which spent
greatest
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the greatest
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 number of
water
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
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. Meanwhile, in the pie graph, the
water
consumption
 distribution mostly
referred
Wrong verb form
refers
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 to the agriculture sector. Looking in more detail, in the bar
chart
, Perth was a residential city which reached
highest
Add an article
the highest
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 number of
water
consumption
 namely 300
kilolitre
Change to a plural noun
kilolitres
show examples
.
Next,
it was followed by Adelaide and Brisbane for the highest
water
 spending with a slight difference between them.
Then
, Sydney consumed about 200
kilolitre
Change to a plural noun
kilolitres
show examples
 and continued by Melbourne and
canberra
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Canberra
show examples
 with total
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
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 for
water
 was almost 150
kilolitre
Fix the agreement mistake
kilolitres
show examples
. In the meantime for the pie
chart
, most
water
 was distributed
for
Change preposition
to
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 agriculture about 67%.
Then
 other sectors
such
 as households, electricity &
gass
Correct your spelling
gas
 supply, sewage, drainage and sewage obtained about 9-7% of
water
consumption
.
Moreover
, there was
another field
Fix the agreement mistake
other fields
show examples
, like
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mining, manufacturing and other industries only get about under 5% of
water
 to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their primary needs.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, water, consumption with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • average consumption
  • distribution
  • sector
  • domestic use
  • industrial use
  • agricultural use
  • urban areas
  • rural areas
  • trend
  • resource management
  • policy implications
  • ecosystem impact
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