IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows the distribution of Australia water consumption for last year.

The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows the distribution of Australia water consumption for last year.
The bar
chart
Use synonyms
 illustrates
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
australian
Change the capitalization
Australian
show examples
 annual
water
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 in several selected cities
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 average throughout
previous
Add an article
the previous
show examples
 year. Meanwhile, the pie graph describes
regarding
Change preposition
apply
show examples
australian
Change the capitalization
Australian
show examples
water
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 for distribution in many fields.
Overall
Linking Words
, in the bar
chart
Use synonyms
, it can be seen that Pert became
city
Add an article
a city
show examples
 which spent
greatest
Change the article
the greatest
show examples
 number of
water
Use synonyms
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
. Meanwhile, in the pie graph, the
water
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 distribution mostly
referred
Wrong verb form
refers
show examples
 to the agriculture sector. Looking in more detail, in the bar
chart
Use synonyms
, Perth was a residential city which reached
highest
Add an article
the highest
show examples
 number of
water
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 namely 300
kilolitre
Change to a plural noun
kilolitres
show examples
.
Next,
Linking Words
it was followed by Adelaide and Brisbane for the highest
water
Use synonyms
 spending with a slight difference between them.
Then
Linking Words
, Sydney consumed about 200
kilolitre
Change to a plural noun
kilolitres
show examples
 and continued by Melbourne and
canberra
Change the capitalization
Canberra
show examples
 with total
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
show examples
 for
water
Use synonyms
 was almost 150
kilolitre
Fix the agreement mistake
kilolitres
show examples
. In the meantime for the pie
chart
Use synonyms
, most
water
Use synonyms
 was distributed
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 agriculture about 67%.
Then
Linking Words
 other sectors
such
Linking Words
 as households, electricity &
gass
Correct your spelling
gas
 supply, sewage, drainage and sewage obtained about 9-7% of
water
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there was
another field
Fix the agreement mistake
other fields
show examples
, like
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mining, manufacturing and other industries only get about under 5% of
water
Use synonyms
 to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their primary needs.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, water, consumption with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • average consumption
  • distribution
  • sector
  • domestic use
  • industrial use
  • agricultural use
  • urban areas
  • rural areas
  • trend
  • resource management
  • policy implications
  • ecosystem impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: