The diagram below shows the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.

The diagram below shows the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.
The diagram illustrates detailed steps of making
cement
and its subsequent
used
Replace the word
use
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in
concrete
Add an article
the concrete
show examples
production process.
Overall
,
stages
Correct article usage
the stages
show examples
in producing
cement
are more complex
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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to the creation of concrete which only
consist
Change the verb form
consists
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of certain
recipe
Fix the agreement mistake
recipes
show examples
and mixing
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
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. Going into the details,
journey
Correct article usage
the journey
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ot
Correct your spelling
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cement
production starts
from
Change preposition
with
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crushing limestone and clay together. The refined materials
then
will be mixed and continue to flow into
rotating
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the rotating
a rotating
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heater, before
granulated
Add a missing verb
being granulated
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into smaller grains using
grinder
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a grinder
the grinder
show examples
, which are
then
called
cement
as
finished
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a finished
the finished
show examples
product.
This
finish
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finished
show examples
product will
then
be packed and delivered to
customer
Add an article
the customer
show examples
.
Lastly
,
cement
becomes one of the ingredients of making concrete. The composition
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
15% of
cement
, 10% of water, 25% of sand and 50% of gravel.
Finally
, all will be mixed together using
mixer
Add an article
a mixer
the mixer
show examples
to produce concrete.
Submitted by stood87 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words cement with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • quarrying
  • crushing
  • mixing
  • grinding
  • kiln
  • clinker
  • gypsum
  • packaging
  • distribution
  • concrete
  • building materials
  • limestone
  • clay
  • fine powder
  • rotating
  • cooling
  • hydration
  • aggregate
  • compression
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