IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There
has
Verb problem
is
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 an ongoing debate on whether
schools
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 should mix their male and female
students
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 or not.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and give my own opinion. On the one hand, separating male and female
students
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 in
school
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 may improve their learning focus, particularly for girls. When female
students
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 are located in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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same-sex
schools
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, some studies have found that
this
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 way of learning has a positive effect
in
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on
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 their concentration significantly.
This
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 is because female
students
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 tend to have difficulties
to express
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expressing
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 themselves when in the same room
with
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as
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 boy
students
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.
Consequently
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, in the class,
for example
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, they can ask freely to their teachers about their subjects.
In addition
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 to
this
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, they could participate in sports
such
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 as football and basketball. They feel have an equal opportunity among them that
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is corelated
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corelated
Correct your spelling
correlated
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fostering their achievements in
school
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others argue that mixed
school
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 would improve
students
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 psychologically. When boys and girls are united in the same room, they are more likely to learn how to communicate with
opposite
Add an article
the opposite
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 sex that crucial for self-development.
Although
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 some of them may have
closed
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close
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relationship
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relationships
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, that
usually
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are usually
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 restricted by
school
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 committees, especially in religious
schools
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, it is an important stage for their
mentally
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mental
show examples
.
For instance
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, a study showed that workers who
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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graduated from mixed-
school
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 classes have
a
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apply
show examples
better communication
skill
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skills
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 in the workplace compared to same-sex
schools
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. In conclusion,
although
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 same-sex classes
has
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have
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 a benefit to girls
students
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, I am of
an
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the
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 opinion that it is better to mix female and male
students
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.

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task achievement
Your essay effectively discusses both views on co-education vs. single-sex education and presents a clear personal opinion, which is great for task achievement. To enhance, ensure your opinion is consistently evident throughout.
coherence cohesion
You've organized your essay in a logical structure, making it easy to follow. To improve, you could benefit from varying your linking phrases to enhance the flow between ideas.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples and clear reasoning supports your main points well. To further strengthen your argument, consider incorporating wider-ranging examples and data.
task achievement
Effectively discusses both sides of the argument, showing a balanced consideration.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each view, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Presents a clear personal opinion in the conclusion, providing a well-rounded perspective on the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • co-education
  • gender segregation
  • peer pressure
  • academic performance
  • gender stereotypes
  • discrimination
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • collaboration
  • diversity
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