Give me an approximate score out of 9 for Ielts task 2 based on this question: some people believe that professional such as doctors and engineers should work in the country where they did their training. Other believe that they should be free to work in another country they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In the beginning, working in another
country
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was always an area of debate and has become more controversial.
People
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are divided into two groups, some of them claiming that
country
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job opportunities should give
the
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apply
show examples
priority to its population
while
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others reject
this
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notion. In my opinion, It could
has
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have
show examples
both positives and negatives for many reasons. My point of view will be discussed in
further
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paragraphs with
suitable
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a suitable
show examples
conclusion. Analyzing and
further
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explaining
of
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apply
show examples
the statement, working in another
country
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could have many advantages for professional improvement and financial aspects.
For example
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, some
of
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apply
show examples
people
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who are highly qualified could be trained in a small and under-growing
country
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with
low
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a low
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economy that might diminish their abilities and capabilities with limited job chances
especially
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, especially
show examples
for doctors and engineers so, moving to another
country
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will open wide horizons of careers
thus
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, improve themselves
as well as
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their income.
On the other hand
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, one of its dark
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sides
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side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
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that
Add a missing verb
is that
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Correct word choice
opening
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open
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opening
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chances for all
people
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to work in a
country
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without setting a priority of native
people
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who trained and lived in it will increase the rate of unemployment at an alarming rate which will push them to leave their
country
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seaking
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seeking
speaking
for a job.
Also
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,
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
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of living in another place could be expensive. Another pertinent point to mention, it could affect their
phsycological
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psychological
state
for
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by
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being away
of
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from
show examples
their family and friends more than those who chose it by themselves. In conclusion. I believe that the advantages
outwight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
the disadvantages and the aforementioned points
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
strongly support my point of view.
However
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, every coin has two sides and so
is
Verb problem
does
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working in the same or
other
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another country
other countries
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country
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. It will depend upon the
people
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's mindsets which view they are in favour of.
Submitted by rm0.almohsen on

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Introduction Clarity
Ensure a clear introduction that presents your thesis statement more directly, stating explicitly your opinion on the topic.
Use of Cohesive Devices
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and paragraphs more effectively. This can include transition phrases and synonyms to avoid repetition.
Specific Examples
Strengthen your main points by providing more detailed examples and evidence. This helps in clearly conveying your argument to the reader.
Tone and Style
Pay attention to maintaining a formal tone throughout the essay. Avoid colloquial expressions and ensure the use of formal vocabulary.
Grammar and Spelling
Be mindful of grammar and spelling to enhance the overall clarity and professionalism of your essay. Proofreading can significantly reduce errors.
Task Response
You have discussed both views as the prompt requests, which is essential for addressing the task fully.
Structure
There is a good basic structure to your essay, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarises your opinion, which is an important element of a good essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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