the chart shows the percentage of males and females who were overweight in Australia from 1980 and 2010

the chart shows the percentage of males and females who were overweight in Australia from 1980 and 2010
The chart compares the proportion of
males
and
females
diagnosed with
obesity
in Australia between 1980 and 2010.
Overall
,
males
are more likely to be overweight than
females
throughout the whole examined period. There were increasing rates of
obesity
for both
males
and
females
until 2000
while
the percentage of
males
started to decline slightly and that of
females
remained stable in 2010. Starting with the graph of
males
, the rate of
obesity
rose a little from 40% in 1980 to just below 50% in 1990 when the gap between
males
and
females
. shrinks the most.
Then
, It grew more dramatically in 2000 reaching approximately 65%
although
it experienced a drop in 2010 for the first time as it hit just above 60%, which is still higher than in 1980 and 1990. Turning to the
obesity
rates of
females
, they had been slightly lower than those of
males
for 30 years. Indeed, the percentage of
females
is lower by nearly 10% with just above 30% in 1980. In 1990,
females
also
experienced a radical increase with about 45% like
males
as the proportions of
males
still excelled those of
females
.
Moreover
, their
obesity
rates continued to rise until the graph
finally
reached a peak at over 50% in 2000 and remained unchanged until 2010.
Submitted by mizuho on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 78%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words males, females, obesity with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: