IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Crime rate, in most countries, is often higher in urban areas than in rural areas. What are the causes and solutions?

#crime #rate #countries #areas
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The
increase
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increased
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 number of
crimes
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average
Correct word choice
apply
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in cultured places is higher than
pastoral
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in pastoral
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areas
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 undoubtedly, most
of
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apply
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people
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 around the world
afraid
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are afraid
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 of it.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly because of the lack of local citizens and the huge number of
people
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. There are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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several solutions which should be implemented to deal with
raising
Correct your spelling
rising
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Use synonyms
crimes
Change the noun form
crime
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 rate in urban
areas
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 rather than rural
areas
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.
To begin
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 with, new criminals are mostly those who got bored
from
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in
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the
Change the word
their
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 or even who have a problem with specific
people
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.
Also
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,
due to
Linking Words
 lake of local citizens, multiple cultures
people
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 are common in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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urban spaces unless of towns and rural
areas
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.
For example
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, when foreigners
were
Wrong verb form
are
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spreaded
Correct your spelling
spread
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 in the
country
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 other countries
people
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 are not accustomed to the
people
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 from the same
country
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,
therefore
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 they may misunderstand each other for some trivial reason
then
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 might lead to wrong action that makes a crime.
Secondly
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, it is known overpopulation can play a large role in raising amount of
crimes
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moreover
Linking Words
 criminals have a big
chances
Correct the article-noun agreement
chance
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as well as
Linking Words
 they could
steel
Correct your spelling
steal
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 watches,
wallet
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wallets
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 and expensive glasses taking advantage of the crowding of
people
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 to achieve their awful goals. There are two effective solutions to solve the problem of high rate of
crimes
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 in urban
areas
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 than
rural
Change preposition
in rural
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areas
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. One method to fix
this
Linking Words
 is to ensure that
government
Correct article usage
the government
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let
Wrong verb form
lets
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 locals
to
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apply
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live in the capital and provides them opportunities to find living apartments and houses. By doing that, it will help the visitors as they are new
people
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 in the
country
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 to realize the traditions
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
country
Use synonyms
people
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 like they connect each one together. Another way of dealing with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminals generally is to limit
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
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people
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 to arrive in all year
months
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month
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 unless they make a table for visiting seasons.
This
Linking Words
 solution would hopefully
will minimizes
Wrong verb form
minimise
show examples
Use synonyms
crimes
Fix the agreement mistake
crime
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 chances
to happen
Verb problem
apply
show examples
. In conclusion, letting locals
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
live in the capitals and limiting tourism trips are effective in dealing with
this
Linking Words
 issue. If responsible sites implemented these solutions,
would
Correct pronoun usage
there would
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 drop in both urban and rural area
Submitted by s_syedy on

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Introduction
Your introduction briefly addresses the topic, but it would benefit from a clearer explanation of the essay's main points. Try to outline your arguments succinctly in the introduction to guide the reader.
Paragraphing
Make sure to clearly differentiate your paragraphs. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph, followed by supporting sentences that develop this idea.
Vocabulary
Be cautious with word choice to avoid confusion, such as 'cultured places' for urban areas and 'pastoral' for rural areas. Use precise and appropriate vocabulary to improve clarity.
Grammar
Work on grammar and syntax to enhance readability. Avoid run-on sentences, and ensure subject-verb agreement and proper tense usage throughout your essay.
Examples
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. While you mentioned general causes and solutions, elaborating with detailed examples can strengthen your points and make your argument more persuasive.
Task Response
You effectively address both parts of the question, discussing causes and solutions for higher crime rates in urban areas compared to rural areas.
Grammar and Sentence Structure
You use a variety of sentence structures, which shows an attempt to create a diverse linguistic presentation.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes the essay's main ideas and reiterates the importance of the solutions you proposed, which is a good practice.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • anonymity
  • social cohesion
  • socioeconomic disparities
  • desperation
  • urban stressors
  • mental health
  • community policing
  • job opportunities
  • poverty
  • inequality
  • public spaces
  • surveillance cameras
  • deterrent
  • recidivism
  • reintegration programs
What to do next:
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