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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

with the developments of social media, more and more youngsters are being allowed unsupervised access to the Internet in order to meet and chat with friends which can lead to potentially dangerous situation what solutions can you suggest to deal with this problem?

#developments #media #youngsters #access #internet #chat #friends #situation
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In our modern world, new inventions and developments are being made day by day,
such
 as social
media
 which allows
people
 to socialize and create a bond with others even if they do not step out of the house no matter how old they are.
However
, social
media
 applications are not a substitute for
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
 interactions. In fact,
people
 who interact with each other usually want to meet up so as to
further
 strengthen their bond. In that case, malicious
people
 might abuse the innocence of usually the younger generation in
this
 type of situation.
This
 essay will discuss the possible solutions
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 danger. The problem occurs mostly when children are unsupervised and not conscious.
Therefore
, the best and easiest
solution
 at a young age is
giving
Change the verb form
to give
show examples
 children consciousness about the danger of talking and giving information about themselves to a person they do not even know. If it does not work,
then
, another
solution
 that
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 can give might be controlling the sites and apps that children use regularly to avoid them getting into dangerous situations without parents knowing. If that
also
 does not work, the only other
solution
 can be confiscating their phone. After all, it is better for them not to have access to social
media
 rather than something bad happening to them. Confiscating their phone or limiting
applications
Correct article usage
the applications
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they can install is the
last
 thing to do, but it is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the most effective action to take by forcing them to avoid talking to
people
 they do not know, by not letting them To summarize, these other solutions are secondary to the primary and most effective
solution
, which is informing our youngsters of the dangers
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 social
media
 and helping them develop a consciousness that allows them to make good decisions when interacting online. The
last
 three, especially confiscating phones or computers, and
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 choice options.
Submitted by sonatakcaa on

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Expansion of Ideas
You need to fully expand on your points, making sure each idea is developed with specific examples and explanations. The absence of specific examples to illustrate your solutions reduces the effectiveness of your argument.
Completion of Ideas
The conclusion appears cut off. Make sure to complete your thoughts and provide a rounded summary of your essay to enhance closure and effectiveness.
Paragraphing
Consider organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a single main idea. This includes having distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, ensuring each paragraph has a clear central idea and coherent development.
Language Variety
Using a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures could help improve the sophistication of your essay. Aim to vary your sentence length and structure to keep the reader engaged and demonstrate your language skills.
Understanding Task
The essay identifies the issue of unsupervised internet access for youngsters and proposes several solutions, showing a good understanding of the task.
Logical Flow
The logical flow from identifying the problem to suggesting solutions demonstrates good coherence and cohesion.
Addressing the Task
You have made a clear stance and proposed multiple solutions, showing a direct attempt to address the task's requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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