the bar chart below shows the percentage of australian men and m=women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010 summarise the information

the bar chart below shows the percentage of australian men and m=women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010 

summarise the information
The bar chart given illustrates the proportion of
Autralia's
Correct your spelling
Australia's
citizens
categoried
Correct your spelling
categorised
categorized
by gender and
age
that performed regular exercise in 2010. From an
overall
perspective, it is evident that
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
had
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
percentage
of
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise than
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
in all
age
groups,
excepted
Change the form of the verb
except
show examples
the 15 to
24 year-old
Add a hyphen
24-year-old
show examples
group
. In
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
of men, the
percentage
of sport practising in the 45 to 54
aged
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people was highest, at 53.3%, compared to 53% and 52.5% in
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the 55 to 64 and the 35 to 44
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
, respectively.
Moreover
, the
percentage
of
inhibitants
Correct your spelling
inhabitants
who belonged to the 15 to 24
age
group
, the 25 to 34
age
group
, and the 65 years old and over
group
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
vicinity of 47%. In
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
of women, the proportion of citizens who aged from 15 to 24 years old that did exercises was highest, at 52%.
In contrast
, the lowest one was the 35 to 44
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
group
, at 39.5%.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, the
percentage
of the 65 years old and over
group
and the 55 to 64
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
group
that performed physical
activies
Correct your spelling
activities
activity
were 46.7% and 45.1%, in the given order,
whereas
that of the 45 to 54
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
group
and the 25 to 34 aged
group
were 43.1% and 42.2%, in turn.
Submitted by khoihoangtrong96 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, percentage, group with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: