the bar chart below shows the percentage of australian men and m=women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010 summarise the information

the bar chart below shows the percentage of australian men and m=women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010 

summarise the information
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The bar chart given illustrates the proportion of
Autralia's
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Australia's
citizens
categoried
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categorised
categorized
by gender and
age
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that performed regular exercise in 2010. From an
overall
Linking Words
perspective, it is evident that
female
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females
show examples
had
higher
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a higher
show examples
percentage
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of
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
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exercise than
male
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males
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in all
age
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groups,
excepted
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except
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the 15 to
24 year-old
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24-year-old
show examples
group
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. In
term
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terms
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of men, the
percentage
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of sport practising in the 45 to 54
aged
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people was highest, at 53.3%, compared to 53% and 52.5% in
that
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apply
show examples
of
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apply
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the 55 to 64 and the 35 to 44
aged
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age
show examples
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group
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groups
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, respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
percentage
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of
inhibitants
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inhabitants
who belonged to the 15 to 24
age
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group
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, the 25 to 34
age
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group
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, and the 65 years old and over
group
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were
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was
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
vicinity of 47%. In
term
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terms
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of women, the proportion of citizens who aged from 15 to 24 years old that did exercises was highest, at 52%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the lowest one was the 35 to 44
aged
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age
show examples
group
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, at 39.5%.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
, the
percentage
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of the 65 years old and over
group
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and the 55 to 64
aged
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age
show examples
group
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that performed physical
activies
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activities
activity
were 46.7% and 45.1%, in the given order,
whereas
Linking Words
that of the 45 to 54
aged
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age
show examples
group
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and the 25 to 34 aged
group
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were 43.1% and 42.2%, in turn.
Submitted by khoihoangtrong96 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, percentage, group with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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