Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In the 21st century, technological development in computer systems is ever-increasing. Many sectors
such
as communication,
medical
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medicine
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and transportation highly depend on
this
technology. Some believe that dependence on
this
computer technology has led to dangerous
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
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. I agree
this
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with this
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statement and facts related to my view will be discussed.
Firstly
, in order to run these computer-aided platforms availability of electricity is a must in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cases. but, there can be some unexpected power failures that can cause malfunctioning of connected devices.
This
can lead to bad consequences in fields
such
as communication, medicine and transport because these systems transfer data via
Add an article
the internet
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internet
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Internet
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.
For instance
,
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a Patient
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Patient
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a Patient
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can die a hospital if he is given
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the wrong
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wrong
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the wrong
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medicine
as a result
of
this
kind of
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apply
show examples
a
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apply
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problem. On top of that, users
in
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of
show examples
some of these services might have to face severe life
treats
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threats
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as their privacy can be disclosed in
the
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apply
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society.
For instance
, it is a simple task for hackers and dark website developers to sneak into online facilitated devices and hack the data.
Moreover
, information can be changed
according to
their need.
As a result
of
this
,
accuracy
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the accuracy
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of the data will be lost and
this
can lead to
increase
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an increase
show examples
in
road side
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roadside
show examples
accidents as most of these routes are signalized at junctions. In conclusion,
although
there are a lot of benefits of advancements in computer-based technology for individuals, it is not wise to depend only on
this
knowledge.
Experties
Correct your spelling
Expertise
need to find some alternative ways to ensure the security and preciseness of these programmes.
Submitted by wm.asanka.sandaruwan on

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Structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Your introduction sets the context well, but try to more explicitly state your position. In the body paragraphs, make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is fully developed.
Coherence
Work on your coherence by improving transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Using cohesive devices can help your essay flow more naturally.
Task Response
Address the task fully by exploring both sides of the argument, even if your position is clear. Including a counter-argument could strengthen your essay.
Accuracy
Be attentive to grammar and spelling to enhance clarity and professionalism. Small errors can distract, but they don't heavily impact your overall score.
Example Use
You've provided relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
Structure
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • reliance
  • cybersecurity
  • over-reliance
  • digital divide
  • data breach
  • cyberbullying
  • diagnostic machines
  • electronic health records
  • automated vehicles
  • predictive maintenance
  • real-time monitoring
  • vulnerability
  • misinformation
  • hacking
  • efficiency
  • navigation systems
  • traditional skills
  • system failures
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