IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In the 21st century, technological development in computer systems is ever-increasing. Many sectors
such
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 as communication,
medical
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medicine
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 and transportation highly depend on
this
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 technology. Some believe that dependence on
this
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 computer technology has led to dangerous
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
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. I agree
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this
Change preposition
with this
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 statement and facts related to my view will be discussed.
Firstly
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, in order to run these computer-aided platforms availability of electricity is a must in most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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cases. but, there can be some unexpected power failures that can cause malfunctioning of connected devices.
This
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 can lead to bad consequences in fields
such
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 as communication, medicine and transport because these systems transfer data via
Add an article
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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.
For instance
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,
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a Patient
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Patient
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a Patient
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 can die a hospital if he is given
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the wrong
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wrong
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the wrong
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 medicine
as a result
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 of
this
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 kind of
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apply
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a
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apply
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problem. On top of that, users
in
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of
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 some of these services might have to face severe life
treats
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threats
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 as their privacy can be disclosed in
the
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apply
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society.
For instance
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, it is a simple task for hackers and dark website developers to sneak into online facilitated devices and hack the data.
Moreover
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, information can be changed
according to
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 their need.
As a result
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 of
this
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,
accuracy
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the accuracy
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 of the data will be lost and
this
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 can lead to
increase
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an increase
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 in
road side
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roadside
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 accidents as most of these routes are signalized at junctions. In conclusion,
although
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 there are a lot of benefits of advancements in computer-based technology for individuals, it is not wise to depend only on
this
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 knowledge.
Experties
Correct your spelling
Expertise
 need to find some alternative ways to ensure the security and preciseness of these programmes.

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Structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Your introduction sets the context well, but try to more explicitly state your position. In the body paragraphs, make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is fully developed.
Coherence
Work on your coherence by improving transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Using cohesive devices can help your essay flow more naturally.
Task Response
Address the task fully by exploring both sides of the argument, even if your position is clear. Including a counter-argument could strengthen your essay.
Accuracy
Be attentive to grammar and spelling to enhance clarity and professionalism. Small errors can distract, but they don't heavily impact your overall score.
Example Use
You've provided relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
Structure
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • reliance
  • cybersecurity
  • over-reliance
  • digital divide
  • data breach
  • cyberbullying
  • diagnostic machines
  • electronic health records
  • automated vehicles
  • predictive maintenance
  • real-time monitoring
  • vulnerability
  • misinformation
  • hacking
  • efficiency
  • navigation systems
  • traditional skills
  • system failures
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