IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Students should pay full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individual rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#students #cost #study #university #education #society
Studies will receive more personal
benefits
about
Change preposition
from
show examples
 education than social
benefits
 if they pay money for their
study
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 universities.
This
 essay
agree
Correct subject-verb agreement
agrees
show examples
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 opinion and will give some reasons
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the writer’s point Paying
full
Add an article
the full
show examples
 cost for studying in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
college can help teenagers receive more premium advantages. Those
benefits
 can
also
 help them improve the
quality
 of studying.
As a result
, teenagers will be supported to
study
 easily.
For instance
, Zoom is an app that
support
Change the verb form
supports
show examples
students
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 studying online if teachers buy the upgrade of Zoom will provide
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teachers
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unlimited time
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
meeting
Fix the agreement mistake
meetings
show examples
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more privacy.
Thus
, investing money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 student’s
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 will improve the
quality
 and facilities
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 personal studying.
Moreover
, the
quality
 of school can be improved. When more
students
 spend money on their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
, universities will
be provide
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
 some positive impacts which can
used
Change the verb form
be used
show examples
 to develop\ the
quality
 of
students
. When they no longer have pressures, they are able to focus on learning to record great achievements and benefit countries. Supporting educational expenditures
also
 creates chances for a large number of poor
students
, to create a fair education which is the foundation of social enhancement.
In particular
, scholarships from the government or schools give excellent
students
 more encouragement to continue to try their best. Taking all into
my
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
account, the advantages of social
benefits
 and personal
benefits
 will bring positive
benefits
 for
students
 and
this
 essay
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 the
benefits
 of
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
show examples
 education .Studies
contribute
Correct pronoun usage
that contribute
show examples
 to their studying will positive impact on
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
 that can bring some
benefits
 to improve the
qualiy
Correct your spelling
quality
 of studying and the development of
the fame
Replace the word
famous
show examples
 universities.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Try to provide a clear thesis statement at the end of your introduction to guide readers through your argument. This will help in making your stance clear from the beginning.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs more effectively. This will enhance the flow of your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on developing fully supported main points. Each body paragraph should focus on a single idea, followed by examples or evidence to support it.
Task Achievement
Try to elaborate on your examples to clearly show how they support your argument. Specific details and explanations can make your examples more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Ensure to restate your thesis and summarize your main points in the conclusion. This will help in providing a clear closure to your argument.
Task Achievement
You've made an effort to discuss both personal and social benefits of self-funded study, which shows an understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
You've provided examples to support your points, which is good practice in developing arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • tertiary education
  • employability
  • economic growth
  • socioeconomic disparities
  • public funding
  • research and development
  • prosperity
  • equity in education
  • innovation
  • high earning potential
  • personal development
  • educated workforce
  • exacerbating
  • accessibility
  • public good
  • qualified individuals
What to do next:
Look at other essays: