Small business should avoid recruiting young women who do not have their own family in order to avoid paying maternity leave later on. To what level do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays,
women
and men are recruited in small business
. Some Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
says
that small Correct subject-verb agreement
say
business
should not Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
recruiting
Change the verb form
recruit
be recruiting
woman
who Fix the agreement mistake
women
has
not been married because Correct subject-verb agreement
have
owner
are afraid Fix the agreement mistake
owners
paying
maternity leave later on. Change preposition
of paying
This
essay disagree
and will explain Change the verb form
disagrees
further
that small business
should not employs
Change the verb form
employ
women
who has
not been marriedChange the verb form
have
,
because younger Remove the comma
apply
women
works
more efficiently than Change the verb form
work
women
who has
Change the verb form
have
family
and younger Fix the agreement mistake
families
workers
tend to follow the trend that are
useful for Change the verb form
is
the
small Correct article usage
apply
business
.
Firstly
, women
workers
who has
not been married will Change the verb form
have
work
more efficient
because have more stamina and will Change the word
efficiently
work
recklessly than woman
who have Fix the agreement mistake
women
family
. One clear example is that the younger the Fix the agreement mistake
families
workers
the more stamina they have and older workers
tend to more
cautious Add a missing verb
be more
to
Change preposition
of
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
body
because the older they are, their Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
body
are more Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
fraigle
. Correct your spelling
fragile
Furthermore
, younger workers
tend to attend work
more than older women
workers
that
have their own Correct pronoun usage
who
family
, because older Fix the agreement mistake
families
women
workers
will take more paid leave due to
family matters, such
as their kids are
sick or Wrong verb form
being
need
to take care Wrong verb form
needing
their
family.
Change preposition
of their
Secondly
, younger workers
tend to following
the trend than the Change the verb
follow
women
workers
that
have Correct pronoun usage
who
family
, because they Fix the agreement mistake
families
have
more time scrolling through social media, Verb problem
spend
while
the women
workers
that
have family spend their time Correct pronoun usage
who
to take
care Change the verb form
taking
the
family, Change preposition
of the
such
as their kids and their husband
. Following the trend can bring Fix the agreement mistake
husbands
benefit
to Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
the
small Correct article usage
apply
business
, Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
for instance
, younger workers
can inform their manager
how Fix the agreement mistake
managers
the
viral marketing works nowadays. By making viral marketing Correct article usage
apply
such
as making videos that are trending, it can boost sales and bring more engagement to the business
.
To sum up
, small business
should start Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
employs
young Wrong verb form
employing
women
because it is more benefit
for Replace the word
beneficial
the
small Correct article usage
apply
business
because young Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
women
are more effective in work
and can boost sales for the
small Correct article usage
apply
business
.Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
Submitted by sumitros97 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Response
Consider balancing your argument by exploring both sides. While you’ve presented strong points about the benefits of hiring younger women, mentioning potential challenges or counterarguments could add depth to your essay.
Task Response
Ensure your main points are directly related to the essay question. For instance, focusing on efficiency and trend-awareness should be clearly connected to the topic of maternity leave and hiring practices.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay shows a clear structure, but using a wider range of linking phrases and transitional words could improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
To make your argument stronger, provide specific, real-world examples to support your claims about the benefits of hiring younger women in small businesses.
Introduction/Conclusion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your essay's argument and summarizing your main points.
Task Achievement
You've addressed the essay prompt with a clear stance, which helps in making your essay's purpose and direction known to the reader.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?