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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the proportion of people aged over 65 years old in Germany, Canada, and the UK over a period of 50 years.

The bar chart shows the proportion of people aged over 65 years old in Germany, Canada, and the UK over a period of 50 years.
The bar chart gives information about percentages of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 aged above 65 years old in the countries
Germany
Use synonyms
, Canada and the
UK
Use synonyms
above
Change preposition
over
show examples
 a period of 50 years.
Overall
Linking Words
, the bar chart
illustrated
Wrong verb form
illustrates
show examples
 three different time periods and it is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
clear that the highest number of people aged 65
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was
Use synonyms
Germany
Change noun form
Germany's
show examples
 population. At
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first glance , in 1980 the
higher
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
show examples
 was
Germany
Use synonyms
 and made up 15 per cent
then
Linking Words
 the second figure
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
 accounted for under 15 % and the lower
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
during
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 period was
Canad
Correct your spelling
Canada
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
made up
ten
Correct your spelling
10
Use synonyms
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
. In 2000, the trend
Use synonyms
Germany
Change preposition
in Germany
show examples
was increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 to reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
twenty
Use synonyms
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 the
Use synonyms
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
 figure's and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Canada figure's
according
Add the preposition
according to
show examples
 the same level to reach fifteen
per cen
Correct your spelling
per cent
. In the
last
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
period ,
Germany
Use synonyms
 reached a peak proportion of
aged
Replace the word
ages
show examples
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
made up 25,
then
Linking Words
 the second
percentage
Use synonyms
 according
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Canada to showed 20
Use synonyms
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 and the lower rate of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 aged 65 was the
UK
Use synonyms
 .

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words germany, uk, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 3 times.
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