IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older, while others think they should stay at home with the family. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In contemporary humans are becoming times which new
helpfulnees
Correct your spelling
helpfulness
 technology for own. In
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
,
parents
Use synonyms
 when older want more help from
children
Use synonyms
 for their health,
communicate
Replace the word
communication
show examples
 and lifefulness.
therefore
Linking Words
 more
parents
Use synonyms
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 to know
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 situation
children
Use synonyms
 must
be stay
Change the verb form
stay
show examples
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 or
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
?
Change the punctuation
.
show examples
Although
Linking Words
 be respectful
traditional
Replace the word
traditions
show examples
, youth can lead
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 without
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
.
In every
Change preposition
Every
show examples
 person must be free in adulty times, cause
this
Linking Words
most
Add a missing verb
is most
show examples
 important for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
, personal face in society and own new family. But after some periods will be extended family and reunion relatives.
For example
Linking Words
, every
youth
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
 family want to learn to own
children
Use synonyms
 the hold
conversation
Fix the agreement mistake
conversations
show examples
 through
relatives
Change noun form
relatives'
relative's
show examples
 affection. In that time getting
together with
Linking Words
 loved ones
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
motive
Replace the word
motivate
show examples
 and
believing
Replace the word
belief
show examples
 for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
children
Use synonyms
.
At
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other side
Use synonyms
parents
Add a comma
parents,
show examples
 even
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
will
Verb problem
are
show examples
 older times do not
want
Add the particle
want to
show examples
 be
together with
Linking Words
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
children
Use synonyms
,
instead
Linking Words
 of
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they want
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
 situation with
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 mate.
In
Change preposition
For
show examples
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 older
life
Use synonyms
 for
parents
Use synonyms
 may be the trips, creation
new
Change preposition
of new
show examples
 places or
find
Wrong verb form
finding
show examples
 own new lifemates
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
. And
that
Change preposition
in that
show examples
postion
Correct your spelling
position
 learn more
skillfulls
Correct your spelling
skills
 and maybe
make
Verb problem
come
show examples
 more amazing ideas for
olders
Correct your spelling
older
holders
. In conclusion, I think every person has a right
choose
Fix the infinitive
to choose
show examples
 for older
life
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 period may be loved ones or new strangers with hold conversations,
futhermore
Correct your spelling
furthermore
life
Use synonyms
 is continuing at the bright side own line. And
this
Linking Words
 position will show different challenges to
children
Use synonyms
, adults and every youth in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
.
And stay
Wrong verb form
Staying
show examples
 with relatives or strangers in older
life
Use synonyms
 is not incorrect for humans

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Introduction Clarity
Consider focusing on more clearly defining the discussion topic early in your essay. Providing a clear introduction that outlines the topic and your perspective will help set a focused direction for your argument.
Paragraph Development
Be mindful of ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea that relates directly to the prompt. Develop your paragraphs with specific examples or explanations to support your points.
Logical Structure
Pay attention to using a logical structure to organize your essay; this includes having a notable beginning, middle, and end. Use clear paragraphing to separate your ideas.
Language Use
Try to use a variety of sentence structures and more precise vocabulary to clearly present your ideas. This will help make your argument more compelling and easier to follow.
Conclusion Strength
Including a conclusion that summarizes your discussion and clearly states your opinion gives your essay a strong ending. Ensure this conclusion ties back to the prompt and your initial argument.
Engagement with Prompt
You've engaged with the prompt by discussing both views and providing your opinion, which is a positive aspect of task response.
Idea Connection
Your essay shows an attempt to connect ideas and examples, even though these connections could be clarified and developed further for better coherence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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