Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Other believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opining.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification

People have different views about whether

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

educators ought to just focus on their main

subjects

in university in order to become professional, or they are free to study other

subjects

simultaneously. In my point of view, focusing on

specific

Correct article usage

a specific

show examples

major might have some drawbacks, so it is better for

student

Add an article

the student

a student

show examples

to allocate their time to

learn

Wrong verb form

learning

show examples

different

subjects

. On

one

Correct article usage

the one

show examples

hand, Some believe that students should learn about different

subjects

while

they are studying at universities, it is an excellent development

because of

Change preposition

for

show examples

several reasons.

Firstly

, the majority of young people have more free time than adults, by attending various courses and learning new skills they are able to be more qualified and ready for

Add an article

the labor

show examples

labor

Change the spelling

labour

show examples

market.

Secondly

, nowadays, the competition in occupation is so severe, as

consequence

Correct article usage

a consequence

show examples

, individuals must

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

multitask because they may not be able to find a job which is related to their education.

Finally

, the speed of technology advancement is furious, and AI (artificial intelligence) would

takeover

Correct your spelling

take over

show examples

the majority of job opportunities, so it is essential for students to be prepared for any circumstances.

On the other hand

, some groups insist that students must put their whole attention on their major.

This

could be true in some majors

such

as medical and engineering, because these fields are so vast and tremendous efforts are needed to be a specialist. As a matter of fact, the more knowledge they obtain the more sophisticated they will be in future. So no time is left to follow other

subjects

. In conclusion, as our future is wage because of technology, in my opinion, the young generation should be ready for any changes and

this

will

earn

Wrong verb form

be earned

show examples

by knowing about various

subjects

especially

Add the comma(s)

, especially

show examples

the ones which are related to AI.

Submitted by Negar_seddigh on Sat May 11 2024

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language use

Consider using a wider range of complex sentence structures and vocabulary to enrich your essay.

introduction clarity

Ensure your introduction clearly outlines the views to be discussed and your own stance.

argument depth

In the development paragraphs, include more specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments.

balanced discussion

Try to maintain a balance between discussing both views before concluding with your own perspective.

structure and organization

You have a good structure with clear paragraphs, and you effectively discuss both viewpoints before providing your own opinion.

conclusion effectiveness

Your conclusion effectively sums up the arguments presented and reiterates your own stance.

coherence in argument

You successfully introduce and summarize the main points of both sides of the argument in a coherent way.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

290 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Broaden
Perspectives
Specialize
Critical thinking
Problem-solving skills
Career success
Interdisciplinary connections
Structured path
Clear goals
Creativity
Innovation
Academic credibility
Recognition
Balance
Exploring

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Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Other believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opining.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies to shop online?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

In today’s world, private companies rather than the government pay for and conduct most scientific research. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

Nowadays, the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative develop ments.