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Writing Samples
Band 7

the line graph shows the food consumtion in australia from 1950 till 2010.

the line graph shows the food consumtion in australia from 1950 till 2010.
The line graph presents information about how much
food
Use synonyms
 was consumed in Australia from 1950 until 2010 in five
categories
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 of
food
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, by 2010,
consumption
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 had increased in all
food
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categories
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 except for meat, which had declined. The greatest increase over the 60-year period was in fruit
consumption
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, which grew from 80
kilograms
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 per person in 1950 to 140
kilograms
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 in 2010, despite a drop in
consumption
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 in 1970.
Consumption
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 of vegetables and bread
also
Linking Words
 went up,
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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by about 20
kilograms
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 per person between 1950 and 2010.
However
Linking Words
, these
food
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categories
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also
Linking Words
 saw significant fluctuations in
consumption
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 throughout the period.
While
Linking Words
 seafood
consumption
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also
Linking Words
 grew between 1950 and 2010, the change was minimal compared with fruit, vegetables and bread, with an increase of only a few
kilograms
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 per person.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to the other four
food
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categories
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, meat was the only
food
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 that Australians ate less of in 2010 compared with 1950; with a decrease from about 110
kilograms
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 in 1950 to
80kilograms
Correct your spelling
80 kilograms
 in 2010.
However
Linking Words
, it is notable that meat
consumption
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 did experience a slight rise in 1970 and a surge in1990 when it reached a peak of almost 120
kilograms
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 before a sudden drop in the year 2000

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words food, categories, consumption, kilograms with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • fluctuation
  • peak
  • decline
  • per capita consumption
  • dietary habits
  • nutrition
  • caloric intake
  • processed foods
  • whole foods
  • staple foods
  • consumption patterns
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