IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the proportion of people aged over 65 years old in Germany, Canada, and the UK over a period of 50 years.

The bar chart shows the proportion of people aged over 65 years old in Germany, Canada, and the UK over a period of 50 years.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart illustrates the percentage of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 in three
countries
Use synonyms
 (
Germany
Use synonyms
, Canada, and the
UK
Use synonyms
) who aged over 65 years old over a period of 50 years.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen from the graph that the percentage of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 aged 65 in the three
countries
Use synonyms
 witnessed an increase and the numbers
predicted
Add a missing verb
are predicted
show examples
 to still keep going up until 2030.
Germany
Use synonyms
 was the most country that had
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
a population
show examples
 aged more than 65 from 1980 to 2000.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is predicted that
Germany
Use synonyms
 will still be the vast majority in 2030. In terms of
Germany
Use synonyms
, the country stood at 15% in 1980,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
UK
Use synonyms
, which was the second highest, stood at over 10% in the meantime. The numbers for these two
countries
Use synonyms
was keep
Change the verb form
kept
show examples
raising
Correct your spelling
rising
show examples
 until 2000
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
Germany
Use synonyms
 and the
UK
Use synonyms
 accounted for
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
20% and 15%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the proportion of the
population
Use synonyms
, respectively.
However
Linking Words
, Canada which was the least in 1980 experienced an increase and had the exact percentage (15%) as the
UK
Use synonyms
 in 2000. In 2030, the three
countries
Use synonyms
predicted
Add a missing verb
are predicted
show examples
 to still keep
raising
Correct your spelling
rising
show examples
.
Germany
Use synonyms
's
population
Use synonyms
 of people aged over 65 is predicted to be 25%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Canada is predicted
for having
Change preposition
to have
show examples
two times
Replace the word
a twofold
show examples
 increase from 1980, surpassing the
UK
Use synonyms
 as the second highest who only predicted
for having
Change preposition
to have
show examples
not over
Correct word choice
less
show examples
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20%
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
 in 2030.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words population, countries, germany, uk with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: