IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart shows the proportion of people aged over 65 years old in Germany, Canada, and the UK over a period of 50 years.

The bar chart shows the proportion of people aged over 65 years old in Germany, Canada, and the UK over a period of 50 years.
The given bar chart illustrates the percentage of elderly people of 65 or over in three different countries from 1980 to 2030.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Germany
Use synonyms
 has the majority of elder citizens.
While
Linking Words
 in parallel, other states are still ambiguous, in 1980 UK outweighed
Canada
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, 50 years later the result has shifted. To commence with, it is clear from the chart that in 1980
Germany
Use synonyms
 was the country where a large scale population of older people constituted 15% and the British stood second was approximately 14%.
Although
Linking Words
 Canadian was 10%. Probing
further
Linking Words
, in the initial 20s
Germany
Use synonyms
 was in the same position at 20%. Meanwhile,
Canada
Use synonyms
together with
Linking Words
 the UK showed a similar ratio was 15%. In the year 2030, the total population of all the countries ascended drastically, as
Germany
Use synonyms
 recorded 25% and in other realms,
Canada
Use synonyms
 was about 23% of elder people and the United Kingdom accounted for lowest than
Canada
Use synonyms
 which was around 19%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words germany, canada with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: