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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart shows the proportion of people aged over 65 years old in Germany, Canada, and the UK over a period of 50 years.

The bar chart shows the proportion of people aged over 65 years old in Germany, Canada, and the UK over a period of 50 years.
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The bar chart illustrates the number of people who are 65
years
Use synonyms
 old or over
lived
Correct pronoun usage
who lived
show examples
 in three countries (
Canada
Use synonyms
, Germany,
The
Correct word choice
and The
show examples
UK
Use synonyms
) from 1980 to 2000 and the projection for 2030. Units are measured in percentage.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can clearly be seen that the total population aged 65 or over increased throughout the given period.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is predicted that the number will rise in the next 30
years
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, Germany was the top country
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 people aged 65 or over lived
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, compared with
Canada
Use synonyms
 and The
UK
Use synonyms
. In terms of the country which
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 the biggest population with 65 or over, Germany started at exactly 15 in 1980.
Thereafter
Linking Words
, the number drastically
increase
Change the form of the verb
increased
show examples
 to 20 in the next 20
years
Use synonyms
. In 2030, the percentage will grow by around 5. Regarding the other two countries,
Canada
Use synonyms
 and The
UK
Use synonyms
 stood at precisely 10 and approximately 14, respectively. In the next following
years
Use synonyms
, the proportion of
Canada
Use synonyms
 went up to 15 and the old people of The
UK
Use synonyms
 witnessed a slight growth to 15. In 2030, the sum of the old generation
lived
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in
Canada
Use synonyms
 and The
UK
Use synonyms
 will hit it is highest level at just above 20 for
Canada
Use synonyms
 and at nearly 20 for the
UK
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years, canada, uk with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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