IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Schools should use films, computers and games instead of books. Do you agree or disagree?

#schools #films #computers #games #books
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Film ,
computers
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 and interesting games should be used at
schools
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.
Although
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 movies,
computers
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 and enjoyable activities might be interesting, I agree that
books
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 are great sources of knowledge and information. The method that teaching by playing games and using
computers
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 makes learning more effective and interactive. They can improve
overall
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 qualities
such
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 as problem-solving
skills
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, teamwork, strategic thinking, creativity and time management.
Moreover
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, the methods could make the school lessons more interesting and tempting.
For example
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, the pupils who were studied by using
this
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methodmethods
Correct your spelling
method methods
 showed better results than others who were studied in traditional ways in the USA.
Thus
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, enjoyable activities and
computers
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 should be used at
schools
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.
On the other hand
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,
books
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 have been used at
schools
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 for a long period and have been the best way to study. They improve children's concentration, memory, vocabulary, and creativity
skills
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 and
also
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 enhance their knowledge.
Besides
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,
books
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 could build discipline among children, reduce stress and keep their minds active. On top of
this
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, the critical thinking and deep analysis
skills
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 of children could be increased by reading
books
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.
For instance
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, Japan's
education
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 system is at a high peak on the list which shows the most effective
education
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 systems countries, because, it has been using
books
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 for many years.
Therefore
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, many scientists and scholars advise to use of
books
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 in
education
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. In conclusion, new methods
such
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 as
computers
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 and enjoyable games could improve the
overall
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skills
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 of pupils and mental qualities are improved by reading
books
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. If
schools
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 use both methods in
education
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, it will be more effective.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
While your essay presents a balanced view, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by relevant examples. The example regarding the USA adds value, but more specificity could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay benefits from a clear introduction and conclusion, reinforcing your argument effectively. Keep refining this skill to enhance the persuasiveness of your writing.
language
Pay attention to minor errors in grammar and word choice (e.g., 'the pupils who were studied by using this methodmethods'). Such improvements can make your essay even more compelling.
task achievement
You've used a balanced structure to present both sides of the argument, which is excellent for addressing the task.
coherence cohesion
Good use of transitional phrases ('On the other hand,') to maintain flow and coherence throughout the essay.
task achievement
Inclusion of examples from the USA and Japan helps to contextualize your arguments, showing an understanding of the importance of evidence in persuasive writing.
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