IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 word

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 word
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The bar chart illustrates many changes in the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 who were born either in
Australia
Use synonyms
 or outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 living in urban, rural and towns from 1995 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, In both years,
people
Use synonyms
 who were born outside of
Australia
Use synonyms
 lived in
cities
Use synonyms
 which is the highest than rural areas and towns,
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in 1995 most of the
people
Use synonyms
 who were born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 lived in
cities
Use synonyms
 which reached around 50%
while
Linking Words
, others were below 40%.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who were born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 were the same as
people
Use synonyms
 born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 60% in
cities
Use synonyms
 and 40% in rural areas and towns below 20%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in 2010 the highest number of
people
Use synonyms
 who were born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 inhabited
cities
Use synonyms
 around 65%
while
Linking Words
 the remaining were below 20%.
However
Linking Words
, most
people
Use synonyms
 who were born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 lived in
cities
Use synonyms
 80%
while
Linking Words
 the remaining were below 20%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 68%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, australia, cities with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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