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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Today more and more people wants things instantly (eg: goods, services, news). Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #eg #goods #services #news #development
In the modern are,
people
 are becoming more and more busy,
thus
 there are presence of
instant
 things. The writer believes that
this
 is a negative development
due to
 a lack of perseverance and patience which made
people
 very reliant on these stuffs. It must be understood that there are many advantages of
instant
 things in our life.
This
 is especially so if
people
 are busy with work or study and need to save their time.
Therefore
,
this
 become increasingly prevalent.
For example
, with the click of a button
people
 can easily access the Internet, allowing them to update the latest news or send immediate messages. Another argument worth considering is that the
instant
 result makes
people
 b a convenient tool.
Consequently
, the community will become impatient which impacts their concentration.
For instance
,
according to
 an article published in the news in Vietnam in 2019, a survey of many students becoming lazy when they could do research easily on the Internet. In conclusion,
instant
 things can save
people
 work and study time.
However
, those who depend on the benefits
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 can have the negative consequence on their personal development.
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task achievement
Focus on developing your ideas more fully to enhance clarity. For each point you introduce, consider adding more detailed explanations and examples to fully convey your perspective.
coherence cohesion
Ensure you complete your sentences and thoughts to maintain clarity and coherence throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
Use transitional phrases to link your ideas more smoothly and improve the flow of your essay. This will help readers follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Try to finish your essay with a complete conclusion. It's important to tie all your points together and restate your main argument, reinforcing your views on the topic.
task achievement
You provided a clear stance on the topic, which is a good start to addressing the task.
task achievement
Using real-life examples, like the survey from Vietnam, helps to support your ideas and makes your argument more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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