Nowadays some employers think that formal academic qualifications are more important than life experience or personal qualities when they look for new employees. Why is this the case? Is it a positive or negative development?

In
present
Add an article
the present
show examples
day, the phenomenon of employers
more
Add a missing verb
being more
show examples
considerable
Correct word choice
concerned
show examples
about educational certificates than the
employees
Change noun form
employee's
employees'
show examples
work
experience
or personalities stems from the flexibility it
offered
Wrong verb form
offers
show examples
and the competition of
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
workforce.
However
,
this
is a
disadvantage
Replace the word
disadvantageous
show examples
transformation
due to
the fact that it
contribute
Change the verb form
contributes
show examples
to the
rate
of unemployment. It is vital to understand that
people
who go through academic training are able to do a wider range of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
than
people
with life
experience
. To be more specific,
instead
of
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
show examples
on one aspect of the field, educational institutions tend to provide learners with general knowledge about many
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
show examples
relating to the career which learners will do in the future. Because of
this
, these groups are more flexible, they can do a wide range of jobs
whereas
those with life
experience
can only specialize in one certain part of the work.
Therefore
people
with
diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
show examples
are more favourable
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
employers. Another point that
worth
Add a missing verb
is worth
show examples
consideration is the competitive workforce we are experiencing right now. It must
be acknowledge
Change the verb form
be acknowledged
show examples
that companies replace their workers so often that they only need
people
with good skills to finish the given
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
but not those with exceptional personalities to remain in the companies.
This
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
from the high
rate
of well-qualified
people
out there seeking
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
businesses which offers employers
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a range of choices to make in terms of
recuiting
Correct your spelling
recruiting
new
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
. Take Vietnam as an example, many international
cooperations
Correct your spelling
corporations
show examples
hire temporary workers to do a particular job. Despite the fact that
this
development
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
big companies grow, it is the greatest factor
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the rise of
unemployment
Add an article
the unemployment
show examples
rate
. Obviously, if organizations
prior
Add a missing verb
have prior
show examples
qualifications,
people
with life
experience
and personalities will become unemploy.
Moreover
, having a diploma will not indicate that individuals will have a job, many
people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
struggle with job hunting so it is hopeless for those with none.
This
will make the unemployment
rate
increase. For
instace
Correct your spelling
instance
, many Asian countries are witnessing
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
percentage of underemploment
people
which
causes
Wrong verb form
is caused
show examples
by the
certificates
Fix the agreement mistake
certificate
show examples
priority among
cooperations
Correct your spelling
corporations
show examples
. In conclusion, flexibility and the competitive workforce are the root of the change in hiring
pattern
Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
show examples
.
Furthermore
, the jump in the proportion of citizens with no career
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
this
transformation unbeneficial.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Consider carefully structuring your introduction to clearly introduce both questions asked. Aim to align your paragraphs directly with the questions, ensuring there are distinct sections dealing with why employers may prioritize formal qualifications and then discussing if it's a positive or negative development.
Task Achievement
Try to include more specific examples to substantiate your points. While the mention of Vietnam is a good attempt, more detailed instances or data can significantly strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good logical flow and structure, with clear paragraphs and transitions. Improvements can be made by ensuring each paragraph sticks to one main idea and is clearly linked back to the essay question.
Coherence & Cohesion
Watch out for recurrent grammatical and spelling errors. Ensuring accuracy in your writing will not only improve readability but also enhance the overall coherence of your essay. Regular practice and review can help in minimizing these errors.
Coherence & Cohesion
You provided a solid introduction to the current hiring patterns, mentioning the flexibility offered by formal qualifications and the modern competitive workforce.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarises the essay, restating the main points and your stance. This provides a coherent end to the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standardized measure
  • specialized expertise
  • dedication
  • long-term goal
  • higher education
  • practical skills
  • adaptability
  • problem-solving abilities
  • communication skills
  • teamwork
  • leadership
  • homogeneous
  • diverse perspectives
  • negative development
  • inequality
  • valuable skills
  • insights
  • balanced approach
  • proficiency
  • safety standards
  • candidate's profile
What to do next:
Look at other essays: