Nowadays some employers think that formal academic qualifications are more important than life experience or personal qualities when they look for new employees. Why is this the case? Is it a positive or negative development?
In
present
day, the phenomenon of employers Add an article
the present
more
Add a missing verb
being more
considerable
about educational certificates than the Correct word choice
concerned
employees
work Change noun form
employee's
employees'
experience
or personalities stems from the flexibility it offered
and the competition of Wrong verb form
offers
modern
workforce. Correct article usage
the modern
However
, this
is a disadvantage
transformation Replace the word
disadvantageous
due to
the fact that it contribute
to the Change the verb form
contributes
rate
of unemployment.
It is vital to understand that people
who go through academic training are able to do a wider range of works
than Fix the agreement mistake
work
people
with life experience
. To be more specific, instead
of focus
on one aspect of the field, educational institutions tend to provide learners with general knowledge about many Wrong verb form
focusing
thing
relating to the career which learners will do in the future. Because of Change to a plural noun
things
this
, these groups are more flexible, they can do a wide range of jobs whereas
those with life experience
can only specialize in one certain part of the work. Therefore
people
with diploma
are more favourable Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
by
employers.
Another point that Change preposition
to
worth
consideration is the competitive workforce we are experiencing right now. It must Add a missing verb
is worth
be acknowledge
that companies replace their workers so often that they only need Change the verb form
be acknowledged
people
with good skills to finish the given works
but not those with exceptional personalities to remain in the companies. Fix the agreement mistake
work
This
come
from the high Change the verb form
comes
rate
of well-qualified people
out there seeking for
businesses which offers employers Change preposition
apply
with
a range of choices to make in terms of Change preposition
apply
recuiting
new Correct your spelling
recruiting
staffs
. Take Vietnam as an example, many international Fix the agreement mistake
staff
cooperations
hire temporary workers to do a particular job.
Despite the fact that Correct your spelling
corporations
this
development help
big companies grow, it is the greatest factor Change the verb form
helps
to
the rise of Change preposition
in
unemployment
Add an article
the unemployment
rate
. Obviously, if organizations prior
qualifications, Add a missing verb
have prior
people
with life experience
and personalities will become unemploy. Moreover
, having a diploma will not indicate that individuals will have a job, many people
are
struggle with job hunting so it is hopeless for those with none. Unnecessary verb
apply
This
will make the unemployment rate
increase. For instace
, many Asian countries are witnessing Correct your spelling
instance
high
percentage of underemploment Correct article usage
a high
people
which causes
by the Wrong verb form
is caused
certificates
priority among Fix the agreement mistake
certificate
cooperations
.
In conclusion, flexibility and the competitive workforce are the root of the change in hiring Correct your spelling
corporations
pattern
. Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
Furthermore
, the jump in the proportion of citizens with no career make
Change the verb form
makes
this
transformation unbeneficial.Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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Task Achievement
Consider carefully structuring your introduction to clearly introduce both questions asked. Aim to align your paragraphs directly with the questions, ensuring there are distinct sections dealing with why employers may prioritize formal qualifications and then discussing if it's a positive or negative development.
Task Achievement
Try to include more specific examples to substantiate your points. While the mention of Vietnam is a good attempt, more detailed instances or data can significantly strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good logical flow and structure, with clear paragraphs and transitions. Improvements can be made by ensuring each paragraph sticks to one main idea and is clearly linked back to the essay question.
Coherence & Cohesion
Watch out for recurrent grammatical and spelling errors. Ensuring accuracy in your writing will not only improve readability but also enhance the overall coherence of your essay. Regular practice and review can help in minimizing these errors.
Coherence & Cohesion
You provided a solid introduction to the current hiring patterns, mentioning the flexibility offered by formal qualifications and the modern competitive workforce.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarises the essay, restating the main points and your stance. This provides a coherent end to the argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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