In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is undeniable that civil developments mostly occur in big
cities
Use synonyms
worldwide. Job markets are expanding
according to
Linking Words
the economic upturn.
As a result
Linking Words
, people who live in rural areas tend to relocate to the
cities
Use synonyms
since they are seeking
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more job opportunities.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the population in the
countryside
Use synonyms
decreases significantly.
This
Linking Words
essay will elaborate on the reasons why I think that
this
Linking Words
is a negative development.
To begin
Linking Words
with, the limitation of residences in the
cities
Use synonyms
causes higher home prices. There are many workers who receive minimum wages and work in the metropolitan area. If they cannot afford the living costs in the
cities
Use synonyms
, they have to lower their life quality which comes with the risks of unhealthy lifestyles.
For example
Linking Words
, some people choose to live in small-shared rooms to save their money.
As a result
Linking Words
, they don’t have their private spaces which can reflect in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
mental health.
In addition
Linking Words
, local businesses in the
countryside
Use synonyms
will not be able to operate if there are no demands from customers.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
countryside
Use synonyms
will be quieter than
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
it was. It will be harder for entrepreneurs to initiate something attractive and interesting as well.
For instance
Linking Words
, if you want to open a cosmetics shop for teenagers, it will be difficult to find them.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the moving of people from rural areas to the
cities
Use synonyms
has many issues. It can affect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people’s health either physically or mentally.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the situation in the
countryside
Use synonyms
will get worse
due to
Linking Words
the lack of purchase demands. As
such
Linking Words
, I
considered
Wrong verb form
consider
show examples
that
this
Linking Words
is a negative development
due to
Linking Words
the two reasons above.
Submitted by Punpun on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction is clear and sets up the essay well. However, the introduction could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that more explicitly states your position.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that sentences within paragraphs flow logically from one to the next.
task achievement
Provide more specific and varied examples to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from better linking words and phrases to improve the flow and connection between ideas.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay and reiterates your stance on the issue.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt well by examining both the economic and social impacts of rural depopulation.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: