nowadays, some employers think that formal academic qualification are more important than life experience or personal qualities when they look for new employees. why is it the case? what extend do you agree or diagree with this new?

More and more companies overestimated the high level of degree and
igored
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ignored
the
pratical
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practical
skill and the
ethatic
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ethic
of
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the worker
a worker
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worker
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workers
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. The compelling reason for
this
sterotype
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stereotype
is the formal qualifications of employees
is
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are
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one of the mandatory
condition
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conditions
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to attract
invest
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investment
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cash for their business. The
writter
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writer
of
this
essay
is
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apply
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strongly
object
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objects
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this
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to this
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phenomenon. First of all, it is worth considering that certifications
such
as
master
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master's
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and doctorate
is
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are
show examples
very important to build the reputation and quality of the company. It is believed that the investors will prefer to supply the money for
these small business
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this small business
these small businesses
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which have professional teams and experience in their field.
For example
, in some fields like
medical
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medicine
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and
scientist
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science
show examples
, there are a lot of benefits
of
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for
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people who
had
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have
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a
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apply
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professinoal
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professional
licenses, to do the project
fuctionally
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functionally
functionality
. On the flip side, personal attributes have several advantages.
Whereas
,
beside
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besides
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reading at some
school
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schools
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employees need to have gained exposure and undergone training in life’s practices inclusive of but not limited to teamwork communication abilities among others
say
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apply
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creativity. First and foremost
is
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apply
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the
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apply
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knowledge about society itself
being
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is
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very important.
However
, not every industrious person possesses it as is the case. Different individuals might fail to comprehend the cause behind the decrease in sales volumes
unlike
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, unlike
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veterans who can elaborate
further
and offer solutions.
Submitted by bsphongplg on

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Introduction & Conclusion
To improve your score, consider elaborating your introduction and conclusion to more clearly express your viewpoint and summarize your main arguments. This will help frame your essay more effectively and clarify your position on the issue.
Supporting Details
Try to provide more specific examples and detailed explanations to support your arguments. This will make your essay more persuasive and comprehensive.
Logical Structure & Cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more logically and using cohesive devices (e.g., however, furthermore, for example) to better link your ideas and paragraphs. This will enhance the readability of your essay.
Language Accuracy
Pay attention to spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Accurate use of language will improve the clarity of your message and contribute positively to your score.
Balanced Argument
You effectively addressed both views of the argument, considering the importance of formal qualifications as well as personal qualities and life experience.
Vocabulary Usage
Your effort to use varied vocabulary is commendable and enhances the quality of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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