IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today more and pmore people want things instantly (e.g: goods, services, news) Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development?

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In today's era, there is an increase in the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who desire commodities, services, and news to be available in any case.
This
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 situation happens
due to
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 urbanization and industrialization, and
this
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 can have detrimental effects on their health.
To begin
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 with, as more small towns and rural areas
beacome
Correct your spelling
become
 cities and metropolitan areas,
people
Use synonyms
 have a greater chance of employment, education and services.
However
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,
this
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also
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 causes a higher demand for
thevworkforce
Correct your spelling
the workforce
the work force
 in companies
as well as
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university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
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,
people
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 have to work hard in order to survive in their workplace.
As a result
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, they need other non-prioritized services,
such
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 as news and entertainment, to be as fast as possible to save their
time
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 so that they can spend it on their work to get promoted and a earn higher salary because the cost of living is increasing over
time
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.
For example
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, the fast
food
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 industry has dominated the US economy for decades since every American
citizens
Change to a singular noun
citizen
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choose
Wrong verb form
chose
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 a hurry and industrialized life to afford their expenses. Another point that needs to be considered is that
this
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 type of development can have detrimental
eeffects
Correct your spelling
effects
 on
human's
Change noun form
human
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 health. First of all, because
people
Use synonyms
 always think and act so quickly,
so
Correct word choice
apply
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their heart rate
as well as
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 blood pressure are high, leading to severe heart problems
such
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 as heart attacks. What is more, consuming fast
food
Use synonyms
 and canned products can trigger obesity, diabetes,
ad
Correct your spelling
and
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 malnutrition since these foods do not contain enough nutrients.
Also
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, some of them might
hav
Correct your spelling
have
 chemical preservers so
people
Use synonyms
 can encounter
he
Correct your spelling
the
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 risk of
food
Use synonyms
 poisoning.
For instance
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, most Americans are overweight
due to
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 the fact that
people
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 prefer hamburgers or canned
food
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 as their everyday meals. In conclusion,
although
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 a modern lifestyle can help
people
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 spend more
time
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 and focus on their goals in their career path
but
Correct word choice
apply
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the risk of enduring health issues during their working
time
Use synonyms
, when
people
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 are able to work and study, or after their retirement is something
that is
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 worth
concerning
Verb problem
considering
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.
This
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 essay has enough pieces of evidence to prove the writer's point of view.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical progression throughout your essay. Transition smoothly between paragraphs to strengthen coherence.
task achievement
Develop and elaborate on your main points more thoroughly to enhance task achievement. Include a wider range of ideas and explore their implications fully.
language accuracy
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy to improve the overall quality of your writing.
structure
Introduction and conclusion are clear, addressing the topic effectively.
example use
Use of relevant examples, like the fast food industry's impact on American society, supports your arguments well.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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