of different outlay in four important facilities in the United
State
Fix the agreement mistake
States
show examples
,
Canada
Use synonyms
, the United Kingdom and
Japan
Use synonyms
in 2009
Body paragraph 1
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
the graph
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
the highest proportion of expenditure was housing ,
whereas
Linking Words
the lowest percentage was health care . a fluctuation was observed in all countries for every expenditure
Body paragraph 2
Moving to a
detailed
Replace the word
detail
show examples
, in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
State
Fix the agreement mistake
States
show examples
and
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
Kingdom ,
highest
Add an article
the highest
show examples
percentage of outlay was housing , with the farmer and the latter being responsible for approximately 25 and 23 . the lowest share of outlay was health care in the United Kingdom ,
however
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
was clothing in another country
Conclusion
With regard to
Japan
Use synonyms
and
Canada
Use synonyms
, in food categories , the highest proportion
observed
Add a missing verb
was observed
show examples
in
Japan
Use synonyms
(about 23%) ,
nevertheless
Linking Words
the share of
Canada
Use synonyms
accounted for 15 % . In transportation
categories
Add a comma
categories,
show examples
there was a big difference between
Canada
Use synonyms
and
Japan
Use synonyms
by 10 %
quluzadenurlan107
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Vocabulary & Grammar
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance clarity and avoid repetition.
Task Achievement
Work on developing more detailed paragraphs with clear main ideas supported by specific examples, especially in the detailed analysis section.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure there is a clear overview that summarises the main trends, comparison or differences, without the need for specific data.
Grammar
Check for grammatical accuracy and try to correct the minor errors for a better flow of information.
Introduction & Overview
You provided a clear introduction and attempted to give an overall analysis of the data, which is good for task achievement.
Structural Organization
The essay structure is recognizable with attempts to organize it into paragraphs.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Some hold the idea that the ubiquity of social media houses is a major disadvantage, as it blurs the line between various countries, leading to a presumable loss of cultural identity. Nevertheless, in my opinion, the merits of homogenisation outnumber the drawbacks. Not only does digitisation instil a feeling of unity amongst the population, but also it brings numerous people living in foreign countries together while eliminating the feeling of being a stranger.
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Few parents give more importance to sending their kids to boarding schools. Although, there are drawbacks such as staying away from family and friends and second is do not getting family love along with spending time with them, there are benefits like children become more responsible and disciplined in their personal as well as professional lives and develop strong and good decision-making ability. Therefore, the benefits of this approach outweigh the disadvantages.
Cultural amenities and facilities are the issues that are vital for any country. However, numerous people believe that governments must not allocate specific budgets for cultural activities. Cultural matters indeed have a critical position for any nation although there would be some noticeable subjects that governments should consider and put a particular budget on them.
Nowadays, benefitted from the advancement of transportation, people are able to travel around the world wherever and whenever they want. However, this also brings some controversial discussions on whether the travellers should all be responsible for the preservation of Indigenous culture and environment. In contrast to those who argue that this "responsible tourist" campaign is impractical to achieve, I believe that it should be promoted as its merits outweigh its downsides. Here are some key reasons why we should all be accounted for this global matter.