of different outlay in four important facilities in the United
State
Fix the agreement mistake
States
show examples
,
Canada
Use synonyms
, the United Kingdom and
Japan
Use synonyms
in 2009
Body paragraph 1
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
the graph
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
the highest proportion of expenditure was housing ,
whereas
Linking Words
the lowest percentage was health care . a fluctuation was observed in all countries for every expenditure
Body paragraph 2
Moving to a
detailed
Replace the word
detail
show examples
, in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
State
Fix the agreement mistake
States
show examples
and
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
Kingdom ,
highest
Add an article
the highest
show examples
percentage of outlay was housing , with the farmer and the latter being responsible for approximately 25 and 23 . the lowest share of outlay was health care in the United Kingdom ,
however
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
was clothing in another country
Conclusion
With regard to
Japan
Use synonyms
and
Canada
Use synonyms
, in food categories , the highest proportion
observed
Add a missing verb
was observed
show examples
in
Japan
Use synonyms
(about 23%) ,
nevertheless
Linking Words
the share of
Canada
Use synonyms
accounted for 15 % . In transportation
categories
Add a comma
categories,
show examples
there was a big difference between
Canada
Use synonyms
and
Japan
Use synonyms
by 10 %
quluzadenurlan107
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Vocabulary & Grammar
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance clarity and avoid repetition.
Task Achievement
Work on developing more detailed paragraphs with clear main ideas supported by specific examples, especially in the detailed analysis section.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure there is a clear overview that summarises the main trends, comparison or differences, without the need for specific data.
Grammar
Check for grammatical accuracy and try to correct the minor errors for a better flow of information.
Introduction & Overview
You provided a clear introduction and attempted to give an overall analysis of the data, which is good for task achievement.
Structural Organization
The essay structure is recognizable with attempts to organize it into paragraphs.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
In these years, individuals have become more careful when it comes to marriage and children, they are waiting too long for a stable and high income to get married. People adopted this attitude toward marriage due to several factors that I will examine in this essay, and why I believe this phenomenon has many drawbacks.
Some people think that in planning a new city, it is more important to construct public parks and sports venues than shopping malls where people spend their leisure time. I totally agree with this idea because parks and sports facilities bring more benefits to the citizens in long term than shopping centres do.
In today’s world, individuals tend to do online shopping, and this is becoming more and more prevalent.From my perspective, there are the strengths and weaknesses of shopping, and I am going to elaborate on this point in the following paragraphs.
The utilization of municipal land has sparked a contentious debate, with some individuals asserting that urban zones should be designated for public parks rather than residential developments. While the provision of green spaces is crucial for public well-being, I firmly believe that addressing the housing shortage through residential construction should take precedence in modern cities.
Schools can be considered suitable places for children to learn to be good citizens. With standardized educational methods, schools can foster children’s cognitive development so that they are able to contribute to society in the future. For example, Trung Vuong school and Vinschool are well known for having nurtured successful alumni such as Professor Ngo Bao, Professor Nguyen Hung who have devoted their talents to the development of the country.