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Band 2.5

the bar chart belows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United State , Canada ,the United Kingdom and Japan in the year 2009

#bar #belows #shares #expenditures #five #categories #canada #kingdom #japan #year
The bar chart
provide
Change the verb form
provides
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 information about
rate
Add an article
the rate
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 of different outlay in four important facilities in the United
State
Fix the agreement mistake
States
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,
Canada
 , the United Kingdom and
Japan
 in 2009
Overall
 , what stands out
of
Change preposition
from
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 the graph
that
Add a missing verb
is that
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 the highest proportion of expenditure was housing ,
whereas
 the lowest percentage was health care . a fluctuation was observed in all countries for every expenditure Moving to a
detailed
Replace the word
detail
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, in
United
Correct article usage
the United
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State
Fix the agreement mistake
States
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and
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 Kingdom ,
highest
Add an article
the highest
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 percentage of outlay was housing , with the farmer and the latter being responsible for approximately 25 and 23 . the lowest share of outlay was health care in the United Kingdom ,
however
this
 was clothing in another country With regard to
Japan
 and
Canada
 , in food categories , the highest proportion
observed
Add a missing verb
was observed
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 in
Japan
 (about 23%) ,
nevertheless
 the share of
Canada
 accounted for 15 % . In transportation
categories
Add a comma
categories,
show examples
 there was a big difference between
Canada
 and
Japan
 by 10 %
Submitted by quluzadenurlan107 on

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Vocabulary & Grammar
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance clarity and avoid repetition.
Task Achievement
Work on developing more detailed paragraphs with clear main ideas supported by specific examples, especially in the detailed analysis section.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure there is a clear overview that summarises the main trends, comparison or differences, without the need for specific data.
Grammar
Check for grammatical accuracy and try to correct the minor errors for a better flow of information.
Introduction & Overview
You provided a clear introduction and attempted to give an overall analysis of the data, which is good for task achievement.
Structural Organization
The essay structure is recognizable with attempts to organize it into paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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