There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically.As a reasult, some people believe that non-academic subjects such as physical education and cookery should be removed from the school sylabbus so that children can concentrate on academic work
These days, everyone has their own opinion about the academic success of
children
. Use synonyms
According to
Linking Words
this
result, a handful of Linking Words
people
argue that Use synonyms
subjects
that require physical energy should be eliminated from the school curriculum since Use synonyms
children
may focus on academic fields. I assume that there are several reasons; all of these may cause me to completely disagree.
On the one hand, a lot of Use synonyms
people
believe that if the young generation has experience in some spheres, Use synonyms
such
as cooking, physical education, and others, Linking Words
children
may not suffer from the activities that require physical Use synonyms
aptitudes
. Fix the agreement mistake
aptitude
Furthermore
, Linking Words
although
Linking Words
children
are in academic Use synonyms
subjects
, every single workplace has its own requirements Use synonyms
to hire
employees since these Change preposition
for hiring
people
should have handwork and non-academic subject experiences. Use synonyms
For example
, Linking Words
these
have a chance to take a break for about 5 minutes, which is given to reduce laziness and boredom. and to pique their curiosity about non-academic Correct pronoun usage
they
subjects
.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, parents ponder that if extracurricular abilities are held by their Linking Words
children
, they will benefit from them to make a living in the long term since Use synonyms
people
have opportunities to open new places Use synonyms
such
as cookery and bakery services, all of which are launched by humans who are familiarity with them. Linking Words
For example
, Linking Words
according to
Linking Words
the
survey in the US, 70 Correct article usage
a
percent
of Change the spelling
per cent
people
disagreed with removing these informal Use synonyms
subjects
, Use synonyms
while
others had the opposite convictions.
In conclusion, there are all the reasons why Linking Words
people
may completely disagree with Use synonyms
this
trend. When it comes to me, Linking Words
children
will lose their temper and desire to learn Use synonyms
as well as
suffer from unknown physical activities in the future if these nonformal Linking Words
subjects
are eliminated from the syllabus.Use synonyms
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is fully developed. For example, the second paragraph could be more specific about how non-academic subjects benefit children’s development and future career opportunities.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to strongly support your points. For instance, you mentioned a survey in the US, but providing more details and context could help to substantiate your argument.
coherence cohesion
Transition words and phrases could be used more effectively to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. This will help improve the flow of the essay and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, the conclusion could be more directly tied to the points raised in the essay. Summarize the main arguments briefly and restate your position in a compelling way.
task achievement
The introduction clearly presents the topic and states your position, which provides a good starting point for your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear and consistent argument. Your disagreement with the removal of non-academic subjects is well-explained.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as the mention of a US survey, is a good strategy to support your points, even though these examples could be further detailed.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?