Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees do. Some people think it is necessary, but others are of the opinion that it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Directors
have high status in the company. Bosses of big organizations get high salaries for their employees. The majority of people believe it is necessary, but other people think
that is
unfair. I believe that
directors
receive a well-deserved income.
To begin
with, the low workers' salaries can lead to large problems
such
as employee dissatisfaction. The employees start doing their
work
unwillingly. The employees will form negative opinions about their
work
.
This
can cause mental problems, which can lead to serious problems
such
as depression and apathy. And
this
problem can increase the rate of unemployment.
On the other hand
, the bosses make a greater contribution to the development of their company.
Moreover
, the
directors
have a lot of responsibility and duties for the organization. They play the main role in their business.
Also
, the bosses have a lot of experience in the
work
sphere.
And the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
wardens conduct meetings by signing important contracts with other influential companies, which proves the high income of the chiefs. In conclusion, I think that the supervisor
recieve
Correct your spelling
receives
well-deserved wages because the
directors
have more duties and a large amount of responsibility for their
work
business.
Submitted by Hilola Sotimkulova  on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

General
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are concise and clearly outline your opinion. Avoid redundancy.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more linking phrases and transitional words to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points and make your arguments more compelling.
Language Accuracy
Check for minor grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for greater clarity.
Task Achievement
The essay effectively presents both views and provides a valid opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with clear paragraphs for each point.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a suitable balance between discussing both sides of the argument and giving a personal opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: