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Writing Samples /
Band 1.5

In some countries, most people prefer to rent their homes rather than buying them. hat are the advantages and disadvantages of renting a home?

#countries #people #rent #homes #hat #home
In my opinion
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
,
if
Add a missing verb
is if
show examples
 you want to buy a new
home
, you need more money to buy it, it is very difficult for a new family who should to create
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
merried
Correct your spelling
married
 life. Sometimes people are not staying
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 one country or city, they always move to another place for their job,
this
 way is suitable
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 people who often
raplace
Correct your spelling
replace
 their
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
. There
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 many disadvantages, If you have
own
Correct pronoun usage
your own
show examples
home
 and rent it to
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another family they don't
clear
Verb problem
see
show examples
home
Correct article usage
a home
show examples
 as their own
home
.
Family
Add an article
A family
The family
show examples
 whose children play
this
Change preposition
in this
show examples
home
rdestroyed
Correct your spelling
destroyed
 many furniture. I think if you want to rent your
home
, you should give
home
 to
family
Add an article
a family
the family
show examples
 who
hasn't
Correct subject-verb agreement
haven't
show examples
 children,
this
 is
good
Change the article
a good
show examples
 way.
Submitted by Teo Halimov on

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your essay. Use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction to set the stage for your discussion and a conclusion to summarize your main points.
task achievement
Expand on your points with more detailed examples and explanations. This will help to better illustrate your arguments.
task achievement
Try to cover both advantages and disadvantages more evenly and in more detail to provide a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Consider rephrasing some sentences for better clarity and readability.
general
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation to improve your overall writing quality.
task achievement
You have made an effort to address both advantages and disadvantages of renting a home, which shows a balanced approach.
task achievement
Your essay highlights specific scenarios such as new families and frequent relocations, which adds relevance to your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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