IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

An increasing number of people change their careers and places of residence several times in their lives. Is it a positive or negative development?

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It is true that more and more
poeple
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people
 constantly
change
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 living
place
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places
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 and careers in the rapidly evolving world. I consider
this
Linking Words
development
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 a positive trend not only for individuals but
also
Linking Words
 for
whole
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the whole
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 society. From
individual
Correct article usage
an individual
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 level, the reason for those youngsters regularly changing places could be the pursuit of
career
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 success.
For example
Linking Words
, the movement from rural
area
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areas
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 to urban
city
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cities
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enable
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enables
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 youngsters to possess more opportunities and choices for their
career
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 exploration. The more exposure to
career
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 opportunities, the more potential that they will find the true
career
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 passion to excel fully
potential
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apply
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and achieve personal success. From another aspect,
rapidly
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rapid
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 movement could
also
Linking Words
 mean the increasing number of
people
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 have equipped enough wealth to make the
change
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 catering
their
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for their
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 lifestyle preferences.
People
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 might suffer from
a
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apply
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financial loss by moving from a
familar
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familiar
 place to a strange place by potentially selling their residential houses at lower
price
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prices
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 or living
several
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for several
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 months without income.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 trend might mean
people
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 have become more capable
to make
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of making
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 financially risky
decision
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decisions
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. From
Correct article usage
the society
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society
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societal
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 level, rapid immigration means the reallocation of
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the labor
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labor
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labour
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 force. Rural
youngster
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youngsters
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 move to urban
city
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cities
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 to pursue
career
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development
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 and will move back when they grow older for retirement life. The constant structural population
change
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 of
labor
Correct article usage
the labor
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 force could optimize
utilization
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the utilization
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 of production capacity and accelerate city
development
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
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 who move abroad might
also
Linking Words
 bring international trade
oppotunities
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opportunities
 to boost
domestic
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the domestic
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 economy. In conclusion,
frequently
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frequent
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 movement
change
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 means more potential to achieve
career
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 success, more personal wealth to make a life
change
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, and a positive
development
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 to social economy
development
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.

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task achievement
Try to expand on your supporting points with more detailed examples or evidence. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can be done through the use of linking words and phrases which can guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation to enhance the clarity of your ideas. Small grammatical errors can sometimes obscure your intended meaning.
task achievement
You have addressed the topic well and provided a clear standpoint, which meets the task requirements effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, setting a clear context and summarizing your arguments succinctly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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