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Writing Samples /
Band 4

You have been studying in a foreign country for the last two years and your Visa is going to expire next june . You are going to take three months professional course . Write a letter to the embassy. In your letter Introduce yourself Explain your situation Request for extension of your Visa

#country #two #years #visa #june #three #months #course #embassy #situation #request #extension
Dear Sir or Madam I am writing to ask for information about the
embassy
 in your letter .I am studying at University foreign language . I will finish my studies next year .After I
working
Wrong verb form
worked
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at
Change preposition
in
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foreign
Add an article
the foreign
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 world ,because there
is
Change the verb form
are
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 various places and us others .
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, I am
mean
Correct word choice
ready
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to
Change preposition
at
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 the
embassy
ready
Correct word choice
apply
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for work .
Unfortunately
Add a comma
Unfortunately,
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 I am not
go
Wrong verb form
going to
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foreign
Correct article usage
the foreign
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 world
at
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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now but he is more
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 and various things .
Firstly
 of all, I would like to know
embassy
Correct article usage
the embassy
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 what
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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you do because what kind of work can I do if I
banned
Add a missing verb
am banned
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.in
Correct your spelling
In
 my opinion I can't go because my family situation
doesnt
Correct your spelling
doesn't
 suit me.
Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
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 I would be interested to know how much is
embassy
 remuneration because before I
am
Wrong verb form
was
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basic
Change the word
basically
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 not working at various places .Everyone says that a person is forced to do everything.
Lastly
Add a comma
Lastly,
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 I wonder how
do
Verb problem
apply
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you do working foreign world and how
did
Verb problem
apply
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you react to it
?
Change the punctuation
.
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 I would appreciate it if you could send the details to my emails I look forward to hearing from you ! Yours faithfully Sohib Ochilov
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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coherence cohesion
Your letter lacks a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Try to organize your thoughts in separate paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph discusses only one main idea to maintain clarity.
task achievement
Your letter does not fully address the task prompt. Make sure to introduce yourself, explain your situation clearly, and directly request the extension of your visa.
task achievement
Your tone is generally appropriate, but it can be slightly more formal and professional.
coherence cohesion
Your greeting and closing are polite and appropriate for a formal letter.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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