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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graphs below show the total percentage of films released and the total percentage of ticket sales in 1996 and 2006 in a country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

The graphs below show the total percentage of films released and the total percentage of ticket sales in 1996 and 2006 in a country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#graphs #show #percentage #films #ticket #sales #country #information #features #comparisons
The two bar graphs illustrate the percentage of published
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
 and the percentage of
cinema
ticket
sales
 for a decade from 1996 to 2006 in a country. The two bar graphs are categorized into four movie genres (
drama
,
comedy
,
fantasy
, and
romance
).
Overall
, more
drama
 and
comedy
movies
 were published than the other two genres.
This
 is aligned with the
number
 of
cinema
ticket
sales
, as
drama
 and
comedy
movies
 were more
favored
Change the spelling
favoured
show examples
. In 1996,
drama
movies
 were the most published (just above 25%), followed by
comedy
 (20%),
fantasy
 (12%), and
romance
 (6%)
movies
 respectively.
While
drama
movies
 were the most published, the
number
 of
ticket
sales
 showed a different situation. The highest
number
 of
cinema
ticket
sales
 was for
comedy
movies
 at 20%, followed by
drama
movies
 at just above 15% in the second position.
However
, the
ticket
Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
show examples
 for
fantasy
 and
romance
movies
 were sold in
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 small
number
, below 5%.
Thus
, a huge gap of around 15% appeared. After a decade, in 2006, the
number
 of
movies
 published increased to around 5 - 10%, except
romance
movies
 remained the same. The situation remained the same, with
drama
movies
 still in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first place (35%), followed respectively by
comedy
 (25%),
fantasy
 (16%), and
romance
 (6%)
movies
.
Moreover
,
cinema
ticket
sales
also
 slightly rose to nearly 5%, except
romance
movies
 slightly declined
around
Change preposition
by around
show examples
 3%.
Comedy
movies
 were still the most popular at 23%
while
romance
movies
 became the least popular at only 2%.
Submitted by nohan.bhadrika on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words cinema, ticket, sales, drama, comedy, fantasy, romance, movies, number with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • depict
  • significant increases/decreases
  • highlighting
  • drawing comparisons
  • discrepancies
  • notable trends
  • unexpected findings
  • anomalies
  • phenomenon
  • emphasizing
  • evolution
  • implications
  • producers
  • distributors
  • audiences
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