IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Do you think women should join army or navy? what is your opinion

#women #army #navy
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One of the most prevalent trends in the contemporary world is the cumulative increase in
womens
Correct your spelling
women's
women
recruitments
Fix the agreement mistake
recruitment
show examples
 in national forces. Some people
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that
ladies
Use synonyms
 play
vital
Add an article
a vital
show examples
 role
to control
Change preposition
in controlling
show examples
 crimes
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
female
Add an article
the female
show examples
 population.
This
Linking Words
 stance will be proven by carefully analysing why
girls
Use synonyms
 are important for the brigades.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the main reason is that
women
Use synonyms
 are reliable and
dedicate
Wrong verb form
dedicated
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their work commitment towards the nation. These never
mixup
Correct your spelling
mix up
show examples
 with any outer people like
enemy
Fix the agreement mistake
enemies
show examples
 or foreign detectors. Another factor is that these are well suitable for office work and
maintain’s
Correct your spelling
maintain
show examples
 central database.
For example
Linking Words
, 70% of
girls
Use synonyms
 are working in
Indian
Correct article usage
the Indian
show examples
army
Use synonyms
 in information technology departments and those are responsible
to keep
Change preposition
for keeping
show examples
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 safe and secure.
As a result
Linking Words
, many young
girls
Use synonyms
 gravitate towards
army
Use synonyms
 and navy divisions.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the primary reason is that nowadays, females flying fighter planes in different countries and performing well.
In addition
Linking Words
, in some
cases
Add a comma
cases,
show examples
 if
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 these
soilders
Correct your spelling
soldiers
 in wars, they play
important
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an important
show examples
 part
to look
Change preposition
in looking
show examples
 after enemies
women
Use synonyms
 and it proves
kindness
Correct article usage
the kindness
show examples
 of the country towards
opposition
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the opposition
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
recently
Change the word
recent
show examples
 war between Israel and Gaza, Israel’s
women
Use synonyms
 fighters
fighting
Wrong verb form
fought
show examples
 against Gaza and
handling
Wrong verb form
handled
show examples
 Gaza’s females even protecting them from any gang rape incidents.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, it is apparent why
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the ladies
show examples
ladies
Change noun form
ladies'
lady's
show examples
army
Use synonyms
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
successful
Add an article
a successful
the successful
show examples
 role
to save
Change preposition
in saving
show examples
 the
girls
Use synonyms
 from nasty elements. In conclusion, following the
analysis
Add a comma
analysis,
show examples
 it is
cleared
Replace the word
clear
show examples
 that every country
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
women
Use synonyms
soilders
Correct your spelling
soldiers
 to minimise
masscare
Correct your spelling
mass care
 from the opposite sex people, where
ladies
Use synonyms
 can communicate with
girls
Use synonyms
 to prove war’s rules and regulations.
Further
Linking Words
, it is predicted that the
recruitments
Fix the agreement mistake
recruitment
show examples
 of
ladies
Use synonyms
 in the
army
Use synonyms
 and navy
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
goining
Correct your spelling
going
 to continue in the future as well.
Submitted by rbtech65 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and sticks to it. Some points in your essay feel a bit scattered.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structures and reduce grammatical mistakes for better clarity and professionalism.
task achievement
Although you have provided specific examples, try to make sure they are seamlessly integrated into your argument to support your points more effectively.
task achievement
Review your points to make sure all ideas are fully developed and clearly linked to the question prompt.
task achievement
You have provided relevant and specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, framing your argument well.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure to your essay, with each paragraph contributing to the overall argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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