IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is traffic on roads. Traffic on roads has become a problem in the world. It is undeniable that cars has become an essential part of our life.

#traffic #roads #world #cars #part #life
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is
traffic
 on roads.
Traffic
 on roads has become a
problem
 in the world. It is undeniable that cars
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 become an essential part of our life.
However
, these days we have problems with
traffic
 and the amount of cars in the world. One of the main aspects of the
problem
 is that
traffic
 pollutes the environment. Today we can see that in some countries there is polluted air. One of the main reasons behind
that is
 that
traffic
 produces a lot of harmful chemicals.
This
 could lead to global warming or might result in acid
rains
Fix the agreement mistake
rain
show examples
. To tackle
this
problem
 people should add some new laws as in Asian countries.
For example
, we can see that in China, the government regulates
traffic
 through a law that allows you to drive on certain days of the week. We can
also
 see
this
 law in Mongolia
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 other Asian countries, where
this
 law
nealy
Correct your spelling
nearly
 adopted.
This
 may be the easiest and so the best way to reduce the
ammount
Correct your spelling
amount
 of
traffic
. Having weighed everything mentioned
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, we can come to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 conclusion that the government and society can reduce the
problem
 with the amount of
traffic
 at a
society
Replace the word
societal
show examples
 level and at an individual level but it
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 a lot of effort. So it would not be surprising to see some little changes in the near future. Actions must be taken urgently,
otherwise
Add a comma
otherwise,
show examples
 we will get problems
wit
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
 global warming, polluted air,
acid
Correct word choice
and acid
show examples
rains
Fix the agreement mistake
rain
show examples
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Elaborate on your main points with additional supporting details. For instance, when discussing pollution, you could mention specific chemicals cars emit and their effects.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all parts of your essay are clearly connected. Use linking phrases like 'however', 'furthermore', and 'consequently' more effectively to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Review your grammar and sentence structures to avoid minor errors. For example, 'cars has become' should be 'cars have become'.
task achievement
The introduction sets a clear context for the essay, outlining the prevalence of traffic issues globally.
task achievement
You provide a practical example of traffic regulation from Asian countries, adding depth to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and emphasizes the urgency of the problem, leaving a strong final impression.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: