IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Today more and more people want things instantly (e.g.: goods, service, news).Why is this?Is it positive or negative development?

#people #e #g #goods #service #news #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Currently, thanks to the development of society more and more things always move fast. So many
Use synonyms
population
Change to a plural noun
populations
show examples
 have lost patience and want everything to have immediately. I think
this
Linking Words
 trend has both benefits and negative to our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, society is
continued
Verb problem
moving
show examples
 forward to ahead and
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
also
Linking Words
 have to arrange their timetable to finish the
work
Use synonyms
 quickly because they do not have any time to wait which leads to why
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 want anything immediately.
For example
Linking Words
, when
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 buy something on platforms about shopping, they want
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that thing
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
immediately in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 short time to
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
use
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
. Having many shops and distributors receive the feedback of customers they created a service that can deliver merchandise for customers in a short time.
However
Linking Words
, the development of
this
Linking Words
 trend has many negative effects on humans. Because of
this
Linking Words
 trend, it will reduce the patience of each person.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, it will reduce
demised
Add an article
the demised
show examples
 ability to
apply
Add the preposition
apply for
show examples
 hard
work
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these factors will lead to
anegative
Correct your spelling
a negative
 effect on their life and
work
Use synonyms
, it
also
Linking Words
 makes people lose concentration on research and
work
Use synonyms
. In sum
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 want everything to be immediate is a good idea but they do not depend on it. Having to depend on it will not have many benefits to our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The introduction does set the context, but could be made clearer. For instance, try to more explicitly state the reasons why people want things instantly and link it better to the rest of the essay.
task achievement
Supporting points are present but need more elaboration. For instance, the impacts of impatience are mentioned, but could be made more convincing with additional examples or statistical data.
coherence cohesion
Sentence structure can be improved for better readability. Using varied sentence structures to avoid repetition can help increase clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from a clearer logical structure, linking ideas more cohesively. Using transition phrases like 'On one hand'/'On the other hand' might help.
task achievement
The essay contains both advantages and disadvantages of the trend, showing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present and generally align with the question asked.
task achievement
The topic is generally well-addressed and the main idea is clear.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant gratification
  • digital platforms
  • fast-paced lifestyle
  • precious commodity
  • e-commerce platforms
  • 24/7 news cycles
  • accessibility
  • consumer behavior
  • efficiency
  • productivity
  • delayed gratification
  • pressure
  • advent
What to do next:
Look at other essays: