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Band 5.5

Most of the population believes that business promotions are annoying, and they don’t affect people at all. Discuss both views.

#population #business #promotions #don’t #people
Most of the population believes that business promotions are annoying, and they don’t affect
people
 at all. I do partially agree with
this
 idea for several reasons.
Firstly
, like many others, I am
also
 into the idea of
advertisements
 being annoying.
This
 is mainly because
ads
 usually pop out of nowhere and start to offer different products. It is
also
 more amusing if the product or
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
service is not related to what
people
 want or need. In
this
 case, users try to find a way to get rid of random
advertisements
, by buying a subscription to the application or simply
refuse
Wrong verb form
refusing
show examples
 to use it again.
Moreover
, sometimes business
ads
 could come out during a very important process for a person,
then
people
 could get mad and report on the company, draining the company’s reputation.
On the other hand
, individuals do not understand the way they are influenced by these
advertisements
.
Although
people
 consider
ads
 as something disturbing, they are not fully informed about the consequences. The more bothersome the
ads
 seem; the more
people
 are keen to recognize these brands in their daily life. Mostly, firms use
this
 strategy to
attack
Verb problem
attract
show examples
 more customers to their business with the risk of getting negative comments about their random
advertisements
 everywhere on the internet.
For example
, if a person sees too much about one company on the internet, they usually acknowledge it. Later, when they are somewhere else, their visual memory skills turn into action, helping them to recognize the same brands in real life. As they get a bit closer to the company, they will try to explore it. Most of the time,
people
 just may purchase some product or
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
service in
exploring
Correct article usage
the exploring
show examples
 stage.
To sum up
, I partially agree with the statement about the fact that
ads
 are annoying;
however
, they still have a huge impact on
population’s
Correct article usage
the population’s
show examples
 choice.
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task achievement
To improve your task response, try to provide more balanced and deeper analysis of both views. This could include more examples or evidence to support the points you make.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make sure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. You could use more linking words and phrases to ensure smooth transitions.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant to the topic.
supported main points
You have provided some relevant examples to support your points, which helps to illustrate your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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