Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is no matter what period people live in, learning
as well as
education is something we must do, to contribute to a better life. Nowadays, some university
students
want to learn about other
subjects
beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
their main courses.
On the other hand
, a part of
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
show examples
that spending all their time and attention
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
studying for a qualification is more significant. In my opinion, I prefer the former statement to the second idea.
Students
explore
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
other
subjects
in addition
to their main
subjects
help them expand
the
Change the word
their
show examples
knowledge,
experience
Correct word choice
and experience
show examples
.
For instance
, when a marketing student has a chance to learn about customer psychology or cost saving in business, it would provide them more information about how to create a good strategy to attract
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
but
also
optimize
budget
Correct pronoun usage
their budget
show examples
.
Secondly
, knowing
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
various aspects
around
Change preposition
of
show examples
students
s
Change preposition
apply
show examples
majors
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
them have many internships
as well as
career opportunities because these
students
understand
Verb problem
have
show examples
a wide knowledge about the fields.
Thirdly
, participating in many classes in different majors
also
helps them expand their network of connections with everyone.
However
, other
group
Change the wording
groups
show examples
of
students
believe that it is more important to give all their time and effort for only one degree
instead
of studying so many fields. In
this
perspective, there are
also
some suitable reasons to explain
this
issue. First of all,
students
have much time to research carefully
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their main
subjects
,
then
they would catch up
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
knowledge deeply and clearly. These
students
are likely to become very good at their chosen field.
To conclude
, each aspect will have its own benefits and drawbacks, learning is no exception. To me, we should choose for ourselves a suitable studying method, which depends on our purposes
as well as
our abilities because each individual has a different limit.
Submitted by chauhongngoc.577 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve your coherence and cohesion, try to use more transition phrases to link your ideas smoothly. For example, phrases such as 'On one hand' and 'On the other hand' can make the structure more clear. Additionally, consider organizing your paragraphs with a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details.
task achievement
To fully achieve the task, make sure to directly address both sides of the argument with balanced discussion. While you did provide good arguments for both views, adding a few more specific examples and facts would strengthen your response. For instance, referencing specific studies or statistics can provide more solid support.
language
Work on avoiding grammatical errors and improving the precise use of vocabulary. This will improve the clarity and professionalism of your essay. For example, phrases like 'explore more other subjects' should be 'explore other subjects' and 'part of other' should be 'part of the other.'
task achievement
You clearly present both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the essay topic.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well defined, and you have provided your own opinion in a clear manner.
task achievement
You use a variety of examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
Look at other essays: