IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Some people believe that professional workers such as doctors and teachers should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

2.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
It is
beign aruged
Correct your spelling
being argued
 that professional
workers
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
doctors
Use synonyms
 and
techers
Correct your spelling
teachers
 paid less income compared to
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 sports and
enterainment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 personalities.
However
Linking Words
Add a comma
,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 totally agree that sports and entertainment get more paid than
doctors
Use synonyms
 and
teachers
Use synonyms
 .
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 professional
workers
Use synonyms
 like
doctors
Use synonyms
 and
teachers
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 their work in the
hospitels
Correct your spelling
hospitals
hospital
 and
enducations
Correct your spelling
educational
education
educations
instituations
Correct your spelling
institutions
,
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
show examples
feild
Correct your spelling
field
 contains less pay and more work
however
Linking Words
, In
this
Linking Words
feild
Correct your spelling
field
doctors
Use synonyms
 used to
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
more time in hospitals
where as
Correct your spelling
whereas
show examples
teachers
Use synonyms
 as same consequences
to educate
Change preposition
of educating
show examples
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
moreover
Linking Words
 professional
workers
Use synonyms
 paid
les
Correct your spelling
less
 compared to others .
Body paragraph 2
for instance
Linking Words
secondly
Linking Words
 ,
this
Linking Words
ethalic
Correct your spelling
ethic
 profession
as
Correct your spelling
has
show examples
 more options
although
Linking Words
 ,they can get paid more
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 events and
compitations
Correct your spelling
competitions
for example
Linking Words
 , cricketers and football players where as other game players
Add a missing verb
are
show examples
contracted
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
show examples
 the year
where as
Correct your spelling
whereas
show examples
 clubs and other cultural events
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
help them to make more money .
Conclusion
In
conculsion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,I strongly support the
statemnet
Correct your spelling
statement
 that professional
workers
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
doctors
Use synonyms
 and
teachers
Use synonyms
 should be paid more paid because they do not have more
apportunites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
instead
Linking Words
ofsports
Correct your spelling
of sports
 and
enterainments
Correct your spelling
entertainment
entertainments
 personalities.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Work on ensuring that your sentences are grammatically correct. Pay special attention to subject-verb agreement and word forms.
lexical resource
Enhance your vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and accurately. Consider studying word collocations and those related to the topic at hand.
task response
Make sure that your introduction clearly states your position and that this position is consistently reflected throughout your essay.
task response
Ensure that your essay has a clear structure, with distinct paragraphs for each main point. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence and be followed by supporting sentences.
task response
You have made an attempt to address the question and express your opinion, which is commendable.
task response
You have provided reasons for your opinions and have given examples, which adds to the strength of your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Professional workers
  • Societal contribution
  • Scarcity
  • Market forces
  • Consumer demand
  • Role models
  • Economic impact
  • Revenue generation
  • Fair compensation
  • Social equity
  • Intrinsic rewards
  • Job satisfaction
  • Media rights
  • Merchandise sales
  • Public figures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: