IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Writing topic: Climate change and global warming is a serious threat the world is facing, which is reducing the average life expectancy. What are some causes of this? How can governments and healthcare sectors solve this problem?

One of the most threatening issues that our planet is facing these days is global warming and climate change.
This
Linking Words
 problem has led to a reduction in average life expectancy. The following passage is going to reveal reasons
to
Change preposition
for
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this
Linking Words
 problem and suggest logical solutions to solve it.
Firstly
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, the major reason for the rise of
earth's
Correct article usage
the earth's
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 temperature throughout the past century is carbon dioxide, simply known as CO2.
This
Linking Words
 gas has a negative impact on the atmosphere of the earth, which results in respiratory diseases, lung cancer and even skin cancer.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 growth of heat ends in
rise
Add an article
a rise
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 in sea levels all around the world which means in a few decades, land surfaces would go down the oceans and the earth would not be the host of 8 billion people anymore and the ratio of life expectancy would drop by margins. In order to fix these issues, governments should invest in technology for the future. In the beginning, by eliminating fossil fuels and replacing them with green energy, manufacturers can play an essential part in
reduction
Add an article
the reduction
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 of CO2.
In addition
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, educating society from childhood about climate change can play an essential role in reducing temperature rises,
such
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 as putting
sunscreen
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on sunscreen
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 or exercising more to protect our body against these
life changing
Add a hyphen
life-changing
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 effects. In conclusion, these changes have caused humanity serious difficulties which can be solved throughout
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time but with great
considerations
Fix the agreement mistake
consideration
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 and
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
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 from governments.

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task achievement
Your essay broadly covers the topic and provides a complete response to the prompt. However, you could improve it by adding more specific examples and data to support your arguments.
task achievement
Your ideas are expressed clearly but could benefit from further elaboration. For instance, adding details on how exactly future technology or green energy plans can mitigate climate change would improve clarity and comprehensiveness.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is logically structured and includes a clear introduction and conclusion, smoothing the transitions between points and paragraphs could enhance coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Consider improving the linkages between the stated problems and the proposed solutions. More seamless connections between the first and second parts of your essay would help create a more cohesive narrative.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear and succinct introduction and conclusion, which ties the main points together effectively.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported with logical reasoning, which helps in communicating your ideas clearly.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both parts of the prompt adequately, discussing the causes of climate change and suggesting solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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