In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard?
In the field of education and employment, some
people
choose to work
harder than others
. The reason for this
phenomenon is because
some Correct word choice
that
people
do not have priviledges
in their life. Correct your spelling
privileges
However
, to be
a hard worker is not always a good thing.
Some individuals are born with many advantages so their life becomes so much easier than Change the verb form
being
others
. Take for example
Elon Musk who are
born from parents who are extremely wealthy even though they have a huge gold mine in South Africa. Correct subject-verb agreement
is
Although
Elon Musk still worked really hard, he can achieve his dreams easier
than Rephrase
more easily
others
because of his innate benefit from his parents so he can merely focus on chasing his dreams. On the other hand
, most people
are really struggle
to fulfil their basic needs even though they already Change the verb form
are really struggling
work
extremely hard. And they even have to work
harder if they want to upgrade their social classes for instance
by spending extra time and energy to gain more money.
Working really hard is not always a good choice. In reality, working hard sometimes means that people
have to overwork while
also
being underpaid. In addition
, they are most likely have
to sacrifice their precious time with their family and their Fix the infinitive
to have
beloved
ones. These situations will lead them to unhealthy conditions, both physically and mentally. Government must intervene Correct your spelling
loved
this
situation to eliminate the gap between Change preposition
in this
priviledge
and Correct your spelling
privilege
privileged
unpriviledge
Correct your spelling
unprivileged
people
. Therefore
, the unpriviledge
can get access to the resources just like the Correct your spelling
unprivileged
privilege
privilidge
get.
In conclusion, individuals choose to Correct your spelling
privileged
work
harder than others
because they do not have priviledges
. Correct your spelling
privileges
However
, hardworking culture is not always a good thing to do.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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task response
Ensure your essay addresses all aspects of the task. You discussed why some people work harder; however, try to delve deeper into the reasons. Mention additional factors like personal ambition, career goals, or societal pressures.
task response
Work on ensuring all your arguments are clearly explained and expanded. For example, although you mention that working hard is sometimes not beneficial, provide more examples or detail on how it may negatively impact individuals.
coherence cohesion
Refine your logical structure. While you have a clear introduction and conclusion, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
Improve your paragraph coherence by ensuring all sentences in a paragraph stick to a central idea. Often sentences stray off-topic slightly, making the argument less persuasive.
task response
Be cautious about the use of specific examples. Ensure any example provided is directly relevant to the point you're discussing and accurately supports your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has clear and distinct paragraphs, each with a specific focus, which contributes to a good structure.
task achievement
You effectively identified the main prompt components: why some people work harder and whether it is always good to work hard.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion aptly summarizes your main points, adding to the overall clarity of your argument.