In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard?

#education #employment #people #work

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In the field of education and employment, some

people

choose to

work

harder than

others

. The reason for

this

phenomenon is

because

Correct word choice

that

show examples

some

people

do not have

priviledges

Correct your spelling

privileges

in their life.

However

to be

Change the verb form

being

show examples

a hard worker is not always a good thing. Some individuals are born with many advantages so their life becomes so much easier than

others

. Take

for example

Elon Musk who

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

born from parents who are extremely wealthy even though they have a huge gold mine in South Africa.

Although

Elon Musk still worked really hard, he can achieve his dreams

easier

Rephrase

more easily

show examples

than

others

because of his innate benefit from his parents so he can merely focus on chasing his dreams.

On the other hand

, most

people

are really struggle

Change the verb form

are really struggling

show examples

to fulfil their basic needs even though they already

work

extremely hard. And they even have to

work

harder if they want to upgrade their social classes

for instance

by spending extra time and energy to gain more money. Working really hard is not always a good choice. In reality, working hard sometimes means that

people

have to overwork

while

also

being underpaid.

In addition

, they are most likely

have

Fix the infinitive

to have

show examples

to sacrifice their precious time with their family and their

beloved

Correct your spelling

loved

show examples

ones. These situations will lead them to unhealthy conditions, both physically and mentally. Government must intervene

this

Change preposition

in this

show examples

situation to eliminate the gap between

priviledge

Correct your spelling

privilege

privileged

and

unpriviledge

Correct your spelling

unprivileged

people

Therefore

, the

unpriviledge

Correct your spelling

unprivileged

privilege

can get access to the resources just like the

privilidge

Correct your spelling

privileged

get. In conclusion, individuals choose to

work

harder than

others

because they do not have

priviledges

Correct your spelling

privileges

However

, hardworking culture is not always a good thing to do.

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Thu May 16 2024

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task response

Ensure your essay addresses all aspects of the task. You discussed why some people work harder; however, try to delve deeper into the reasons. Mention additional factors like personal ambition, career goals, or societal pressures.

task response

Work on ensuring all your arguments are clearly explained and expanded. For example, although you mention that working hard is sometimes not beneficial, provide more examples or detail on how it may negatively impact individuals.

coherence cohesion

Refine your logical structure. While you have a clear introduction and conclusion, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.

coherence cohesion

Improve your paragraph coherence by ensuring all sentences in a paragraph stick to a central idea. Often sentences stray off-topic slightly, making the argument less persuasive.

task response

Be cautious about the use of specific examples. Ensure any example provided is directly relevant to the point you're discussing and accurately supports your argument.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has clear and distinct paragraphs, each with a specific focus, which contributes to a good structure.

task achievement

You effectively identified the main prompt components: why some people work harder and whether it is always good to work hard.

coherence cohesion

Your conclusion aptly summarizes your main points, adding to the overall clarity of your argument.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

273 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Genetic predisposition
Work ethic
Upbringing
Cultural values
Ambitions
Motivated
Fear of failure
Competitive nature
Overworking
Burnout
Stress-related health issues
Productivity
Quality of life
Healthy balance
Long-term productivity

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In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard?

The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?

Some people have argued that there will be no need for art galleries in the future because people can view works of art freely on the internet. Compare and contrast the benefits of viewing art in real life with viewing it on the internet. In your opinion, which is better?

Government investment in the arts, such as music and museum, is a wast of money. Government must invest this money in public service instead. To what extend do you agree with this statement?

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?