IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Today more and more people want things instantle (eg goods, service,...) Why is it? Is it positive or negative development?

#people #instantle #eg #goods #service #development
It is thought that today
people
 tend to want their demands adapting immediately.
This
 writer believes that it is a positive view
due to
 it can foster the development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. It must be understood that the more
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
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 of the society, the more improvement of the
country
Change noun form
country's
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financial
Replace the word
finances
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. The request
of
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for
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 immediate provision from the customers can boost the revenue of the businesses or the companies
,
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apply
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 since they can produce more goods and earn more profits.
This
lead
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leads
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 to income tax
is
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being
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 paid more
for
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by
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 the government, which can
use
Wrong verb form
be used
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 to improve some social issues
such
 as education, medicals, food supplies,
so
Correct word choice
and so
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 on.
Therefore
, the more
requirement
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requirements
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, the more benefits it brings to
economy
Add an article
the economy
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.
In addition
, when
people
 need things
come
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apply
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urgently, it will
courage
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encourage
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 the development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human knowledge and experiences. If the demands from society
raises
Verb problem
rise
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,
people
 will
trial
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try
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 to find the most effective results that enhance the awareness and the
behavior
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behaviour
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 of the communities. To illustrate, during Covid-19 disease, the requirement of
the
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apply
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medicine and the hospital’s facilities tended to rapidly increase, so many new treatments were born based on the innovation of
people
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people's
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 ability in
medical
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medicine
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.
Hence
, the
highly demanding
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high demand
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play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
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 an important role in improving
people
Change noun form
people's
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 knowledge.
To sum up
, thanks to the strong request of the community,
people
 can stand a good chance of reformation the
life-quality
Correct your spelling
quality
show examples
.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and provides reasons for why the desire for instant gratification is a positive development. However, you should clarify your points further and provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear and logical structure. Though you have included an introduction and a conclusion, work on making your ideas flow more smoothly. Transition between points and paragraphs more effectively.
language
Work on your grammar and vocabulary to avoid minor inaccuracies and awkward phrasing. For instance, 'demanding play' should be 'demand plays,' and 'trial to find' should be 'try to find.'
structure
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides structure to your essay.
task achievement
Your essay covers two main points which are relevant to the topic: economic benefits and the advancement of human knowledge.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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