Today more and more people wants things instantly (e.g goods, service, news). Why is this? Is it positive or negative development?
In
this
modern era, people
are ambitious about the
Correct article usage
apply
things
including goods, service
and news Fix the agreement mistake
services
remain
available. Correct pronoun usage
that remain
This
situation happens due to
people
spending most of their time
doing their projects and working. However
, this
is a breakthrough which brings benefits back to human society.
The main reason leads
to Correct pronoun usage
that leads
people
’s aim to have things
instantly is the time
they need to spend on working. Most jobs in recent days are nine-to-five so the amount of work
is massive. Due to
this
, many individuals tend to finish this
work
punctually in order not to be cut down on their salaries. According to
this
, having things
like food or goods available after working is vital. If people
finish their work
or need food during their break time
, the improvement of pre-cooked food or delivery services is very useful.
The development of immediate things
benefits workers because of its convenience. Enhancing immediate things
helps people
save a lot of time
when they need supplies. It can be said that because
when individuals need stuff, they often have to delay their jobs to go shopping and find these products. If the delivery net is improved, it will not be Correct word choice
apply
time
-consuming and people
also
can continue doing their work
. Take delivery services net in Vietnam as an example, this
service has been developed in this
country. Thanks to this
improvement, people
can save their time
on going shopping. Instead
of that, people
just have to sit at their homes and keep doing their projects. This
convenience not only helps workers but also
benefits employers. While
spending less time
on daily work
, bosses can use this
time
to invest in another field.
To conclude
, individuals want to have immediate goods or services because of the importance of work
. While
some people
say that the development of instantly things
not
have many effects , Add a missing verb
does not
this
writer believes that this
is a revolutionary improvement.Submitted by [email protected] on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Consider refining the introductory paragraph to make the main points clearer and more precise. The thesis statement is somewhat vague.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the coherence and flow between paragraphs. Use more connecting words and phrases to make the transitions smoother.
task achievement
Ensure that every main point in the body paragraphs is explained in detail and stays directly relevant to the prompt. Some parts feel slightly disconnected from the main topic.
coherence cohesion
Revisit grammar and phrasing to avoid awkward constructions and ensure clarity. For example, the phrase "The main reason leads to people’s aim to have things instantly is the time they need to spend on working." can be revised for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Conclude the essay with a clearer summarization of your points and restate the overall opinion more decisively.
task achievement
The essay clearly identifies a contemporary issue and offers relevant reasoning behind it.
task achievement
You provided a specific example about delivery services in Vietnam, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
The paragraphs are logically organized, each addressing different aspects of the prompt.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?