IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Today more and more people wants things instantly (e.g goods, service, news). Why is this? Is it positive or negative development?

#people #e #g #goods #service #news #development
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In
this
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 modern era,
people
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 are ambitious about
the
Correct article usage
apply
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things
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 including goods,
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
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 and news
remain
Correct pronoun usage
that remain
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 available.
This
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 situation happens
due to
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people
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 spending most of their
time
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 doing their projects and working.
However
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,
this
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 is a breakthrough which brings benefits back to human society. The main reason
leads
Correct pronoun usage
that leads
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 to
people
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’s aim to have
things
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 instantly is the
time
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 they need to spend on working. Most jobs in recent days are nine-to-five so the amount of
work
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 is massive.
Due to
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this
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, many individuals tend to finish
this
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work
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 punctually in order not to be cut down on their salaries.
According to
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this
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, having
things
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 like food or goods available after working is vital. If
people
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 finish their
work
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 or need food during their break
time
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, the improvement of pre-cooked food or delivery services is very useful. The development of immediate
things
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 benefits workers because of its convenience. Enhancing immediate
things
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 helps
people
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 save a lot of
time
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 when they need supplies. It can be said that
because
Correct word choice
apply
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when individuals need stuff, they often have to delay their jobs to go shopping and find these products. If the delivery net is improved, it will not be
time
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-consuming and
people
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also
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 can continue doing their
work
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. Take delivery services net in Vietnam as an example,
this
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 service has been developed in
this
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 country. Thanks to
this
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 improvement,
people
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 can save their
time
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 on going shopping.
Instead
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 of that,
people
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 just have to sit at their homes and keep doing their projects.
This
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 convenience not only helps workers but
also
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 benefits employers.
While
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 spending less
time
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 on daily
work
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, bosses can use
this
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time
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 to invest in another field.
To conclude
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, individuals want to have immediate goods or services because of the importance of
work
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.
While
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 some
people
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 say that the development of instantly
things
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not
Add a missing verb
does not
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 have many effects ,
this
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 writer believes that
this
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 is a revolutionary improvement.
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task achievement
Consider refining the introductory paragraph to make the main points clearer and more precise. The thesis statement is somewhat vague.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the coherence and flow between paragraphs. Use more connecting words and phrases to make the transitions smoother.
task achievement
Ensure that every main point in the body paragraphs is explained in detail and stays directly relevant to the prompt. Some parts feel slightly disconnected from the main topic.
coherence cohesion
Revisit grammar and phrasing to avoid awkward constructions and ensure clarity. For example, the phrase "The main reason leads to people’s aim to have things instantly is the time they need to spend on working." can be revised for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Conclude the essay with a clearer summarization of your points and restate the overall opinion more decisively.
task achievement
The essay clearly identifies a contemporary issue and offers relevant reasoning behind it.
task achievement
You provided a specific example about delivery services in Vietnam, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
The paragraphs are logically organized, each addressing different aspects of the prompt.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant gratification
  • digital platforms
  • fast-paced lifestyle
  • precious commodity
  • e-commerce platforms
  • 24/7 news cycles
  • accessibility
  • consumer behavior
  • efficiency
  • productivity
  • delayed gratification
  • pressure
  • advent
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