IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Today more and more people wants thing instantly (eg: good, service, news, ...) why is this? It is positive or negative development?

#people #eg #service #news #development
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In today's digital era, immediately things are
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
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crucial
Add an article
a crucial
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 part of
individuals
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 author
believe
Change the verb form
believes
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 that
time
Use synonyms
 is more
value
Replace the word
valuable
show examples
 to
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays
is
Correct word choice
and is
show examples
 the contributory factor that
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
this
Linking Words
 development.
Besides
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 bolster may have an adverse on humans
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
patient
Replace the word
patience
show examples
 can lead to many failures. Starting with the reason that occur
this
Linking Words
 improvement,
valuation
Correct article usage
the valuation
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 of
time
Use synonyms
 to modern life. To explain, the bolster on
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 and society
lead
Wrong verb form
led
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 to the hustle and bustle that demand
people
Use synonyms
 to spend more
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working.
For example
Linking Words
,
individuals
Use synonyms
 nowadays,
instead
Linking Words
 of
spend
Change the verb form
spending
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time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reading
newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
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,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
choose
briefly
Change the word
brief
show examples
 news on social media, which easy to update information during their work.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 improvement may have a negative effect on
individuals
Use synonyms
. Humans can lose their
patient
Replace the word
patience
show examples
, obviously. In order words, instantly things make
people
Use synonyms
 more
depend
Replace the word
dependent
show examples
 on them.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they may increase stress levels and even lose their temper when something
happening
Wrong verb form
happens
show examples
 quite long.
As a result
Linking Words
, failures are inevitable.
For example
Linking Words
, because of their impatient and the desire of successful, many
entrepreneur
Change to a plural noun
entrepreneurs
show examples
 have to go bankrupt. In conclusion, many
individuals
Use synonyms
 want things instantly
due to
Linking Words
 the valuation of
time
Use synonyms
 in today's world.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 bolster may lead
people
Use synonyms
 into breakdown because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
tolerant
Replace the word
tolerance
show examples
.
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, use linking words and phrases such as 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' 'In addition' to help the essay flow more logically.
task achievement
Work on sentence structure and grammar to ensure clarity. For instance, 'immediately things are become crucial part of individuals' should be 'things are becoming a crucial part of individuals' lives.'
task achievement
Expand on your examples to make your arguments more compelling. For instance, provide more specific examples of how impatience can lead to failures.
task achievement
Clarify your main points and ensure they are consistently developed throughout the essay. Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single idea.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the reasons for the increasing desire for instant results and the positive/negative aspects of this trend.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help to frame the discussion effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Instant gratification
  • Technological advancements
  • Fast-paced lifestyle
  • E-commerce
  • Streaming services
  • Immediate satisfaction
  • Psychological need
  • Adverse effects
  • Innovation and efficiency
  • Devalue the process
  • Craftsmanship
  • Economic benefits
What to do next:
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