Today more and more people wants thing instantly (eg: good, service, news, ...) why is this? It is positive or negative development?
In today's digital era, immediately things are
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
crucial
part of Add an article
a crucial
individuals
. This
author believe
that Change the verb form
believes
time
is more value
to Replace the word
valuable
people
nowadays is
the contributory factor that Correct word choice
and is
create
Change the verb form
creates
this
development. Besides
, this
bolster may have an adverse on humans due to
lack
of Correct article usage
a lack
patient
can lead to many failures.
Starting with the reason that occur Replace the word
patience
this
improvement, valuation
of Correct article usage
the valuation
time
to modern life. To explain, the bolster on economy
and society Correct article usage
the economy
lead
to the hustle and bustle that demand Wrong verb form
led
people
to spend more time
on
working. Change preposition
apply
For example
, individuals
nowadays, instead
of spend
Change the verb form
spending
time
on
reading Change preposition
apply
newspaper
, Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
they
choose Correct pronoun usage
apply
briefly
news on social media, which easy to update information during their work.
Change the word
brief
However
, this
improvement may have a negative effect on individuals
. Humans can lose their patient
, obviously. In order words, instantly things make Replace the word
patience
people
more depend
on them. Replace the word
dependent
Moreover
, they may increase stress levels and even lose their temper when something happening
quite long. Wrong verb form
happens
As a result
, failures are inevitable. For example
, because of their impatient and the desire of successful, many entrepreneur
have to go bankrupt.
In conclusion, many Change to a plural noun
entrepreneurs
individuals
want things instantly due to
the valuation of time
in today's world. Nevertheless
, this
bolster may lead people
into breakdown because of lack
of Correct article usage
a lack
tolerant
.Replace the word
tolerance
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, use linking words and phrases such as 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' 'In addition' to help the essay flow more logically.
task achievement
Work on sentence structure and grammar to ensure clarity. For instance, 'immediately things are become crucial part of individuals' should be 'things are becoming a crucial part of individuals' lives.'
task achievement
Expand on your examples to make your arguments more compelling. For instance, provide more specific examples of how impatience can lead to failures.
task achievement
Clarify your main points and ensure they are consistently developed throughout the essay. Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single idea.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the reasons for the increasing desire for instant results and the positive/negative aspects of this trend.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help to frame the discussion effectively.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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