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Band 2.5

the plans below compare 2 floors of one trade conference held in 2009 and 2010

#plans #floors #trade #conference
The pals illustrate the main changes which took place to a small trade meeting building
bewteen
Correct your spelling
between
 2009 and 2010.
Overall
, most noticeable is how the significant development
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
 in
this
 type of conference was how it went from poor quality facilities to one which focused on the modern infrastructure aspects. Another noteworthy observation is almost
regions
Correct determiner usage
all regions
show examples
 were
transitted
Correct your spelling
transmitted
show examples
 to the other area,
while
 all of
Add an article
the entrance
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entrance
Fix the agreement mistake
entrances
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,
registration
Correct word choice
and registration
show examples
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
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 the north side stayed untouched and the balcony was brought up to date.
Beginning with
Verb problem
With
show examples
east
Correct article usage
the east
show examples
 half of
this
 trade conference,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 contains
balcony
Correct article usage
a balcony
show examples
 area was added
more
Change preposition
for more
show examples
lougue
Correct your spelling
league
 into with playing
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 purpose.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the
north - western
Correct your spelling
north-western
show examples
 side
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the balcony, a registration was completely extended. With respect to the site below
this
 kind of registration area, it encompassed
concert
Correct article usage
a concert
show examples
 hall, seat and stage that were aggregated together,
although
 these three distinctive facilities dominated in a large region in
west
Add an article
the west
show examples
 part. Moving onto the west half of
this
 floor where an exhibition location was transformed
from
Change preposition
into
show examples
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 concert hall site
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, it
also
 seems to be enlarged into
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 spacious
infrastrucutre
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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Grammar and Spelling
Ensure correct spelling and grammar throughout the essay. For instance, 'pals' should be 'plans,' 'bewteen' should be 'between,' and 'lougue' should be 'lounge.'
Sentence Structure
Clarify and refine sentence structure to enhance readability. Some sentences are confusing due to poor structure. For example, 'most noticeable is how the significant development...' could be rewritten for clarity.
Cohesion
Link your ideas more effectively to improve the logical flow of the essay. Use cohesive devices like 'However,' 'Therefore,' 'In addition,' etc., to create clear connections between points.
Clarity
Provide clear, precise descriptions of the changes in the trade conference building. Ambiguous phrases like 'regions were transitted to the other area' should be more specific to enhance understanding.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the main purpose of comparing the trade conference building in 2009 and 2010.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay attempts to give an overall perspective before delving into detailed descriptions, which is a good approach.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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