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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of workers from five different European countries that were absent for a day or more due to illness from 1991 to 2001. Summaries the information by selecting reporting the main feature, and make comparisions where relevant.

#percentage #workers #five #european #countries #illness #summaries #information #feature #comparisions
This
 given graph
represent
Correct subject-verb agreement
represents
show examples
 the total annual
hours
 of sunshine for
London
, New
york
Capitalize word
York
show examples
 and
Sydney
. Graph links annual
hours
 to months by city.
Overall
, the number of
hours
 in New
york
Capitalize word
York
show examples
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 the highest
than
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all other countries.
According to
graph
Correct article usage
the graph
show examples
, it is
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
notable
 that there is a
devlopment
Correct your spelling
development
 in
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 field.  It can be clearly seen that
sydney
Change the capitalization
Sydney
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Jan
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the
highst
Correct your spelling
highest
point
 which reached 26.
Also
,
london
Change the capitalization
London
show examples
rise
Change the verb form
rises
show examples
 more than
sydney
Change the capitalization
Sydney
show examples
be
Correct your spelling
by
show examples
 4
housrs
Correct your spelling
hours
. In Jul,
sydney
Change the capitalization
Sydney
show examples
hours
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
went
Change the verb form
gone
show examples
 down to 15
hours
while
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 New
york
Capitalize word
York
show examples
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
boomed and reached the highest
point
 30
hours
. By Dec,
London
 and New
york
Capitalize word
York
show examples
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
went down to 11
hours
avrage
Correct your spelling
average
while
Sydney
rise
Change the verb form
rises
show examples
 again to reach 25
hours
. Regarding the
giving
Replace the word
given
show examples
 data,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
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 remarkable there is a leap in
work
Correct article usage
the work
show examples
 industry in
London
 and New
york
Capitalize word
York
show examples
. The lowest
point
 reached 1180
hours
 in
London
while
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
point
 reached 2535
hours
 in
Newyork
Correct your spelling
New York
show examples
.
Refrance
Correct your spelling
Reference
 to the represented data it is significant that there is
achievment
Correct your spelling
achievement
 in
work
Add an article
the work
show examples
 industry.
Submitted by hanadi.alajmi92 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, london, york, sydney, point with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "represent" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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