It is universally accepted that eating too much sugar has a negative effect on people’s health. Therefore, some believe that the government should control the amount of sugar people consume. Others think that it is the responsibility of an individual to monitor their sugar intake. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#sugar #effect #people’s #health #believe #government #control #amount #people #responsibility #intake

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It is thought by some that

sugar

poses a threat to our health and the sales of

this

product should be banned by the

government

while

others disagree and think that the elimination of

sugar

should be done individually.

This

essay will discuss both sides of

this

phenomenon. I tend to agree with the latter argument and will support my opinion with examples. On the one hand, it is undeniable that

sugar

affects people`s well-being

negatevily

Correct your spelling

negatively

Firstly

, numerous

disease

Fix the agreement mistake

diseases

show examples

are associated with

Remove the article

apply

show examples

daily consumption of

sugar

, including dental diseases.

For instance

sugar

can accelerate the process of fat accumulation and lead to

ilnesses

Correct your spelling

illnesses

such

as obesity.

Moreover

, a recent study has shown that people

nowodays

Correct your spelling

nowadays

became

Wrong verb form

become

show examples

addicted to sweets and it is challenging for them to follow a

sugar free

Add a hyphen

sugar-free

show examples

diet.

Therefore

, control by

Correct article usage

the

show examples

government

would help them to be aware of the amount of

sugar

they intake.

And

Correct word choice

show examples

on the other hand

, depriving from control over food without taking people's preferences into account has its own drawbacks. Despite the belief that

sugar

has an adverse effect on our

body

Fix the agreement mistake

bodies

show examples

, it can

also

be useful in some cases.

For example

, eating chocolate can cheer up individuals and help to keep a high spirit even in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

stressful situations.

Moreover

sugar

adds sweetness to foods and beverages, making them more enjoyable to consume.

To conclude

sugar

is considered

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a harmful additive nowadays and

for

this

reason

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

intake should be

controled

Correct your spelling

controlled

by the

government

. I believe that putting restrictions on

sugar

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

should not be implemented since

sugar

serves as

product

Add an article

a product

the product

show examples

that can improve mood.

Submitted by chtpstmy42 on Thu May 16 2024

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Task Response

Your essay addresses both views of the topic and provides your opinion, which is good. However, some points in your argument could benefit from further elaboration and clarification. For instance, explaining the drawbacks of government intervention in more depth would strengthen your position.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay demonstrates a coherent structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the transition between ideas can be smoother to improve overall flow. Try using linking phrases like 'Moreover,' 'Additionally,' and 'On the contrary' to connect your points more seamlessly.

Coherence and Cohesion

Make sure to proofread your work for spelling and grammatical errors. Small mistakes such as 'negatevily,' 'ilnesses,' and 'nowodays' can distract the reader and weaken your argument. Consider using grammar-check tools or asking someone to review your essay before submission.

Task Response

You effectively present both sides of the argument and provide a clear opinion, which meets the requirements of the task.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are clear and directly address the essay question.

Task Response

You use relevant examples to support your points, which helps to clarify your argument.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

268 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

negative effect on health
government control
sugar consumption
public awareness campaigns
excessive sugar
regulations
tax on sugary products
limits for sugar levels
manufacturers
accountability
freedom of choice
health implications
dietary habits
lifestyle changes
reading labels
healthier alternatives
self-regulation
personal accountability
external regulations
public health measures

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