It is universally accepted that eating too much sugar has a negative effect on people’s health. Therefore, some believe that the government should control the amount of sugar people consume. Others think that it is the responsibility of an individual to monitor their sugar intake. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
#sugar #effect #people’s #health #believe #government #control #amount #people #responsibility #intake
It is thought by some that
sugar
poses a threat to our health and the sales of this
product should be banned by the government
, while
others disagree and think that the elimination of sugar
should be done individually. This
essay will discuss both sides of this
phenomenon. I tend to agree with the latter argument and will support my opinion with examples.
On the one hand, it is undeniable that sugar
affects people`s well-being negatevily
. Correct your spelling
negatively
Firstly
, numerous disease
are associated with Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
a
daily consumption of Remove the article
apply
sugar
, including dental diseases. For instance
, sugar
can accelerate the process of fat accumulation and lead to ilnesses
Correct your spelling
illnesses
such
as obesity. Moreover
, a recent study has shown that people nowodays
Correct your spelling
nowadays
became
addicted to sweets and it is challenging for them to follow a Wrong verb form
become
sugar free
diet. Add a hyphen
sugar-free
Therefore
, control by a
Correct article usage
the
government
would help them to be aware of the amount of sugar
they intake.
And
Correct word choice
On
on the other hand
, depriving from control over food without taking people's preferences into account has its own drawbacks. Despite the belief that sugar
has an adverse effect on our body
, it can Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
also
be useful in some cases. For example
, eating chocolate can cheer up individuals and help to keep a high spirit even in the
stressful situations. Correct article usage
apply
Moreover
, sugar
adds sweetness to foods and beverages, making them more enjoyable to consume.
To conclude
, sugar
is considered as
a harmful additive nowadays and Change preposition
apply
for
this
reason an
intake should be Correct article usage
apply
controled
by the Correct your spelling
controlled
government
. I believe that putting restrictions on sugar
by government
should not be implemented since Add an article
the government
sugar
serves as product
that can improve mood.Add an article
a product
the product
Submitted by chtpstmy42 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Response
Your essay addresses both views of the topic and provides your opinion, which is good. However, some points in your argument could benefit from further elaboration and clarification. For instance, explaining the drawbacks of government intervention in more depth would strengthen your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a coherent structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the transition between ideas can be smoother to improve overall flow. Try using linking phrases like 'Moreover,' 'Additionally,' and 'On the contrary' to connect your points more seamlessly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to proofread your work for spelling and grammatical errors. Small mistakes such as 'negatevily,' 'ilnesses,' and 'nowodays' can distract the reader and weaken your argument. Consider using grammar-check tools or asking someone to review your essay before submission.
Task Response
You effectively present both sides of the argument and provide a clear opinion, which meets the requirements of the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and directly address the essay question.
Task Response
You use relevant examples to support your points, which helps to clarify your argument.
Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS
Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!