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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparions where relevant.

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparions where relevant.
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The pie charts substantiate the proportion of allocating to different goods and services of households in two different countries, namely
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 over
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 course of a year. In conclusion,
it is clear that
Linking Words
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
, which countries spent the largest consumption on housing and food, meanwhile healthcare hit the lowest. Consuming housing in
Use synonyms
malaysia
Change the capitalization
Malaysia
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, which was higher than
Use synonyms
Change preposition
in japan
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japan
Capitalize word
Japan
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, at 34%, meanwhile japanese approximately just 21% of their expenditure. In terms of food, the amount for both countries
were
Change the verb form
was
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 relatively similar, at 24% and 27% for
Use synonyms
malaysia
Change the capitalization
Malaysia
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
japan
Capitalize word
Japan
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 correspondingly. The proportion of transport in 2010 accounts for a fifth of the total proportion in
Use synonyms
japan
Capitalize word
Japan
show examples
, which
twice
Add a missing verb
is twice
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 as much as the figure in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 just
at
Change preposition
apply
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10%.Meanwhile, healthcare and other goods and services in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 only accomplish 26% and 3%
in contrast
Linking Words
Use synonyms
Japan
Change preposition
to Japan
show examples
when
Correct word choice
which
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 reach 29% and 6%. That showed in 2010, other goods and services were the highest
conversely
Linking Words
 healthcare.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, malaysia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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