IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Water is a natural resources that should be free. Government should ban the sale of bottled water. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#water #resources #government #ban #sale
Environment
Add an article
The environment
show examples
is playing
Wrong verb form
plays
show examples
 a crucial role in people's lives by providing fresh air,
water
 and other important resources. Many individuals stated that
water
 is an essential need, so it should be provided cost-free.
Therefore
, higher authorities should take
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
strict action on the business of
water
. I
am partially disagree
Change the verb form
partially disagree
show examples
 with the above notion and my supporting viewpoints are mentioned in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with, the first and fundamental reason to disagree with
topic
Correct article usage
the topic
show examples
 statement is to preserve the value of
water
.
In that
Change preposition
That
show examples
,
water
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 basic
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
show examples
 for survival and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 already providing
water
 to their communities without any cost for their daily
uses
Fix the agreement mistake
use
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
still they are not saving
water
 and using it without taking much care about
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
.
For example
,
according to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
one survey on
water
uses
Fix the agreement mistake
use
show examples
 in India, noted that in
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 five
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 the wastage of
water
 has increased by 45% in comparison with
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2015,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 means the use of
water
 carelessly increased in recent times.
In addition
, another factor is
incline
Correct article usage
the incline
show examples
into
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the population and global warming demands more
water
 in the upcoming time. To elaborate,
rising
Correct article usage
the rising
show examples
 population and temperature put pressure on
Add an article
the
show examples
government
 to find solutions to tackle
this
 problem,
as a
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
show examples
 they are selling bottled
water
 to generate revenue
as well as
 people can understand the value if they are spending money on
water
.
However
, I am in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
favour of
ban
Wrong verb form
banning
show examples
 packaged
water
, which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
selling
Wrong verb form
sold
show examples
 illegally and
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 higher rates. In the market, there are
Correct article usage
a numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of duplicate agents
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
selling
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
water
 and they are using
water
 from rivers and
lake
Fix the agreement mistake
lakes
show examples
 to fulfil their requirements.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should verify the company and give them
contract
Add an article
a contract
the contract
show examples
 to
fill
Verb problem
apply
show examples
purify
water
 and sell
in
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 to the market
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 very affordable prices and others should be
ban
Wrong verb form
banned
show examples
to sell
Change preposition
from selling
show examples
water
. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion,
water
 is
basic
Add an article
a basic
the basic
show examples
 need for the people so it's important to save and use
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
 the correct way and
government
also
 start awareness campaigns to understand the value of
water
 in future
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 so it is important to sell
water
 in certain locations.
Submitted by pp6859 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay is quite clear in its stance, but at times, your points could be expanded with more specific examples and detailed explanations. Including more concrete evidence or examples would better support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You should work on improving paragraph transitions and ensuring that each paragraph flows logically into the next. This might involve using more transitional phrases or sentences to connect your ideas more fluidly.
coherence cohesion
Focus on refining sentence structure and grammar to achieve a more polished and professional writing style. This will help convey your ideas more effectively and improve the readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is clear and sets up your stance well, providing a good context for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and reiterates your position. This helps to round off the essay nicely.
task achievement
You’ve included a mixture of arguments for and against the notion, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: