IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Water is a natural resources that should be free. Government should ban the sale of bottled water. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#water #resources #government #ban #sale
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Environment
Add an article
The environment
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is playing
Wrong verb form
plays
show examples
 a crucial role in people's lives by providing fresh air,
water
Use synonyms
 and other important resources. Many individuals stated that
water
Use synonyms
 is an essential need, so it should be provided cost-free.
Therefore
Linking Words
, higher authorities should take
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
strict action on the business of
water
Use synonyms
. I
am partially disagree
Change the verb form
partially disagree
show examples
 with the above notion and my supporting viewpoints are mentioned in the following paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the first and fundamental reason to disagree with
topic
Correct article usage
the topic
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 statement is to preserve the value of
water
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.
In that
Change preposition
That
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,
water
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 is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 basic
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
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 for survival and
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 already providing
water
Use synonyms
 to their communities without any cost for their daily
uses
Fix the agreement mistake
use
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and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
still they are not saving
water
Use synonyms
 and using it without taking much care about
future
Correct article usage
the future
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.
For example
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
according to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
one survey on
water
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uses
Fix the agreement mistake
use
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 in India, noted that in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 five
years
Add a comma
years,
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 the wastage of
water
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 has increased by 45% in comparison with
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2015,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 means the use of
water
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 carelessly increased in recent times.
In addition
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, another factor is
incline
Correct article usage
the incline
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into
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of
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 the population and global warming demands more
water
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 in the upcoming time. To elaborate,
rising
Correct article usage
the rising
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 population and temperature put pressure on
Add an article
the
show examples
government
Use synonyms
 to find solutions to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem,
as a
Linking Words
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
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 they are selling bottled
water
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 to generate revenue
as well as
Linking Words
 people can understand the value if they are spending money on
water
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.
However
Linking Words
, I am in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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favour of
ban
Wrong verb form
banning
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 packaged
water
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, which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
selling
Wrong verb form
sold
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 illegally and
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 higher rates. In the market, there are
Correct article usage
a numbers
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numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of duplicate agents
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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selling
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 and they are using
water
Use synonyms
 from rivers and
lake
Fix the agreement mistake
lakes
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 to fulfil their requirements.
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 should verify the company and give them
contract
Add an article
a contract
the contract
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 to
fill
Verb problem
apply
show examples
purify
water
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 and sell
in
Correct your spelling
it
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 to the market
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 very affordable prices and others should be
ban
Wrong verb form
banned
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to sell
Change preposition
from selling
show examples
water
Use synonyms
. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion,
water
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 is
basic
Add an article
a basic
the basic
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 need for the people so it's important to save and use
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
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 the correct way and
government
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 start awareness campaigns to understand the value of
water
Use synonyms
 in future
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 so it is important to sell
water
Use synonyms
 in certain locations.
Submitted by pp6859 on

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task achievement
Your essay is quite clear in its stance, but at times, your points could be expanded with more specific examples and detailed explanations. Including more concrete evidence or examples would better support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You should work on improving paragraph transitions and ensuring that each paragraph flows logically into the next. This might involve using more transitional phrases or sentences to connect your ideas more fluidly.
coherence cohesion
Focus on refining sentence structure and grammar to achieve a more polished and professional writing style. This will help convey your ideas more effectively and improve the readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is clear and sets up your stance well, providing a good context for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and reiterates your position. This helps to round off the essay nicely.
task achievement
You’ve included a mixture of arguments for and against the notion, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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