IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

you work for a large corporation. You want to apply for one month's leave owing to illness. Write to your manager requesting leave for the same. In your letter • introduce yourself • describe about your illness • inform the manager how you intend to manage your job assignment in your absence

#work #corporation #month #illness #manager #job #assignment #absence
Dear Sir/Madam, I am Jay McGill from
IT
Correct article usage
the IT
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 department of our company Shawn It
services
Capitalize word
Services
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. I am working as a system analyst In
Kent
Correct article usage
the Kent
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 location. I
am
Wrong verb form
have been
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 working with the company
from
Change preposition
for
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last
Correct article usage
the last
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 five years and
got
Verb problem
have received
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 two promotions. I
am
Wrong verb form
have been
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 suffering from pneumonia
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 six days. The Doctor has advised me to take
bedrest
Correct your spelling
bed rest
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 for
whole
Correct article usage
a whole
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one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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month in
this
 condition. I
am
Wrong verb form
have been
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 on
the
Correct article usage
an
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 oxygen cylinder
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 two days and paramedics
also
 advised me to take complete
bedrest
Correct your spelling
bed rest
show examples
 for one month. I know in my absence my work will affect office productivity, so I
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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informed my colleague Mac to look after office proceedings. He will point of contact for any emergency with
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
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 to deliverables. I had personally trained him in various
function
Fix the agreement mistake
functions
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 so he
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 be able to meet
expectations
Correct article usage
the expectations
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 of management. He is
also
qualified
Correct article usage
a qualified
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 Engineer from Kent
university
Capitalize word
University
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. Hope to hear from you soon. Yours faithfully, Jay McGill
Submitted by yash334 on

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grammar
Make sure to proofread your letter to correct any grammatical errors and ensure correct verb tenses (e.g., 'I have been working with the company for the last five years', 'I have been suffering from pneumonia for the last six days').
task response
Consider providing detailed information about how your colleague Mac will handle specific tasks or responsibilities to give a clearer picture to your manager.
task response
The letter addresses all parts of the task by introducing yourself, describing your illness, and explaining how the job will be managed in your absence.
coherence
Each paragraph focuses on a single idea, enhancing readability and coherence.
writing tone
The tone of the letter is formal and suitable for addressing a manager.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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